Up coming surgery ...

Two more days and three more sleeps till I go for my gall bladder surgery and I must say I'm scared out of my mind!! Not that I would tell anyone else that but I can honestly say that I'm a little freaked out. They say that a lot of women that had attacks while pregnant will never have another attack again (unless they get pregnant again... something about all the hormones in your body?). So if I wanted too I could choose not to have my gall bladder removed and just take the chance, eat fatty foods and hope I don't have an attack or just get it removed and never have to worry about the thing ever again!? I know quite a few ladies that have had theirs removed and say it was the best thing they ever did, but they had the surgery done years ago when the surgeon had to actually open you up and you would stay in the hospital for 3-5 days. Now a days they do the surgery by laproscopic and all I will have are four small wounds and be discharged from the hospital the very same day!!! :o I have no idea what I am going to feel like after and I think that is what scares me the most ..... what if I'm too sore to pick up Jacob when he is crying? or what if I need help out of bed and hubby is working? Will I need him to babysit me? I don't think he is too excited about me going for surgery (not that he really has a choice) but there is a big race the day before my surgery (the same day as Jacob's shots that I'm already making him miss a little of the race to be with me for support) and then the regular races on the weekend. He's not really the sit and home and I'll take care of you type guy, he rarely likes to sit at home on any day. I suppose we will get through it just like anything else we have done but it still sucks and a part of me wishes I didn't have to go!

I must admit that this staying at home bit is starting to get a little boring and yes I know that eventually Jacob will become more active and entertaining but for now he is really kinda boring?! Everyday he has "play time" where he is more active cooing and entertaining - which to me is the best part of the day and I love to see him smile at me, it makes my day! But there is still a good portion of the day where he is sleeping or he is awake and I'm thinking to myself ... now what?! He's been fed, changed, burped, we did a little tummy time and I tickled him till I thought he had enough, I talk to him almost all day and wait patiently for him to coo back to me. But then what? I think I want to get one of those baby carriers that you wear on your chest, I think it's called a Snuggly? Cause the other day I went outside to do some gardening and put him in he stroller thinking that he would be OK with just being outside but I think he thinks that the stroller is suppose to move and if it doesn't move for a while then he cries? Same thing with the car and his baby seat, if we hit too many red lights or are stuck in traffic not moving he screams! It's like he knows if he is in something with wheels it needs to move!! So maybe if I had one of those Snuggly things then I could get stuff done outside (while it's still nice out) cause there is only so many times that I can wash the floors and clean bathrooms in one week! ;)

I'm a little anxious with the weight loss, I really miss the new/ old me, just when I was starting to be comfortable with the new "skinny" me I get fat again. I know it was all for a really good cause and I would do it over in a heart beat. I'm so glad I lost 80lbs before getting pregnant cause if I didn't then I would have to loose soooo much weight now and loosing weight is the hardest thing I have ever had to do!! I'm still stuck at 190, actually I think I have gained a few pounds since then and I'm at 194!!! It pisses me off that instead of loosing I'm gaining and I need to focus more on eating healthy! I wish I could be one of those skinny girls that never has to worry about how many carbs I've eaten today or if it's OK for me to have a treat? I want to be at 170 again and I know before I said "it takes 9 months to gain the weight so take 9 months to get it off" but I'm so impatient, I want it to all fall off effortlessly! Doesn't everyone?! ;) Jacob is almost holding his head up for longer periods so I think when he is at 3 months I will join a mom/ tot swim group or find other groups for mom's that want to exercises and burn the fat! I'm also thinking of joining a mom/baby group that is in my neighborhood (for babies over 6 weeks), it starts Aug 26, goes for 6 weeks and costs $30. It will get me out of the house once a week (and not just to go to WalMart), I will meet other moms (and potential future friends) and I will get to talk about any concerns or questions.