not the best year ....

I don't feel so good today ... sorry for not writing sooner... been busy at work, home and life in general has been a little crazy! My Grandpa (my Dads Dad) passed away on Friday making my weekend very crappy and full of emotional baggage! My hubby came to my work to tell me the news just as my SIL had phoned and was letting me know at the exact same time. I left work early and we headed to go see my Dad at the hospital, apparently he was a little upset about it. It was hard for me and still is, I feel like I never had a chance to grieve or mourn his loss cause every time I started to cry Jacob would get upset and I would have to put on a happy face to cheer him up or try to figure out what his issue was. Then on the weekend I took Jacob out to see my Dad again and we stopped in to see Grandma, she was surprisingly holding up quiet well. And then on Sunday we had swimming, I feel like I couldn't even take a day to remember, a day to forget and carry on. I suppose it's partially my fault, I never even thought about asking hubby to watch Jacob while I took time to cry it out and I'm sure he would have. Instead I held it in and took it out on him Sunday night. Things seem better now, we are back to normal and I still get a little upset when I think about him but I'm able to talk about it now. I am however a little upset that my Grandma has decided to NOT have a memorial for Grandpa, I feel like there is no closure, she says maybe in a few months we will have a get together. Why drag it out? I just don't get it, tomorrow is the cremation that we are apparently invited to but I don't want to attend. I will just have to figure it out on my own I suppose?

I have been going to the gym a lot lately and even though I had some comfort food on Friday, I was still able to loose weight. I am down one more pound, which is good but then I think ... I'm only down 4lbs in 5 weeks - I just want more! I know it's healthy to loose it slowly and as long as I'm loosing I shouldn't be upset, I should be happy about my loss. Instead I think of all the money I'm throwing away on a diet plan that clearly isn't working!? Or is it just me self sabotaging it? I cancelled my NS, and I'm moving on ... to what, I'm not too sure yet!?