As Christmas approaches I find myself busier then ever but it is for things that aren't really necessary. For the past few weeks I have been keeping myself busy by making 9 different cookie recipes and making assorted tins for some of my customers at work and co-workers. I assembled and filled a advent calender for Jacob and got Christmas photos done and ordered. I have gone shopping more times then I think I needed too. And I still need to mail my Christmas cards, wrap gifts and get prepared for hosting Christmas dinner. I feel like I am trying to keep busy on purpose, when I do have time to think I usually end up crying.
As I plan Christmas dinner I realize that there are a lot of people that won't be attending this year. And not because they weren't invited or have other plans but because they have passed away and are no longer with us. I will hear Christmas songs on the radio and think about my Dad, my Grandpa, hubbies Grandma, uncle George and Grandmas best friend - FIVE very important people to our family and FIVE people that loved Jacob more then words could say. FIVE people that won't be able to see the look on Jacobs face this year when he gets spoiled by Santa or helps decorate his very own mini Christmas tree. FIVE people that will never share any of these special moments ever again. This is what makes me cry when I have time to think, this is the reason I like to stay busy during this time of year. Our first Christmas without FIVE loved ones. :(
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