Overwhelmed

I went to visit my Dad last night and it was like the reality of this whole situation hit me ... right after the security guard on duty that was helping me find my Dad said he was in "palliative care and that there were no visiting hours I could come and stay as long as I want". It was like the little light in my head went ... Oh... he's in palliative care ... that means he's dying.... wow! I guess before I just thought he was sick and needed some help to look after himself. Then I got a email from my hubbies cousin that went through the exact same thing with her Dad a few months ago and her advice to me was ... spend as much time with him as you can. It's the one thing she regrets. So now I'm thinking she is right ... I NEED to go spend time with him, go play cards, go talk, just hang out together. I talked to hubby last night and he said that I can go there as much as I want, so I will probably go twice a week - once with Jacob and once just by myself. It is hard to have a visit when Jacob is there and he doesn't like to sit in the room for long but I know my Dad wants to see him and makes him smile.

I also went to see my Mom at the Glenrose last night, this is a good thing. She finally got transferred from the hospital to a rehabilitation center, this means the doctor thinks there is hope for her - that she will be able to walk again! She has lost a bunch of weight as well but she looked good last night. Hopefully the doctors can get her back up on her feet and walking again!?
Then we have the two funerals this week, one for hubbies Grandmas best friend and the other for hubbies Grandma. It will be a very sad week for me, as both of these ladies were amazing to Jacob and to us. They helped us out in so many ways, Grandma would give anything for Jacob, she bought him his play set that cost a lot and never questioned the price. If we needed anything she was always there to help. They made us slippers and hubbies favorite black forest cake, when we were sick we got Grandmas soup, which Jacob also loved. Its hard to believe that not only did we loose one but both of them! I can't even go to the other one and ask for recipes or to show me how to knit and make more slippers to continue making them.

I feel like if it's wasn't for Jacob I would be sitting in some corner crying my eyes out! He is a good distraction when I'm sad, I feel like I have to be strong for him. Although last night when I started feeling my eyes fill with tears he came over to me gave me a big hug and a very wet kiss, it made me want to cry even harder. It is so hard to be strong in a time when I feel so weak. :(

Below I wanted to share a little bit of what keeps me smiling these days. I love seeing Jacob have fun with his little friends. Below is a video of him and his day home friends at a bday party, he was having a great time and has no idea of all the sadness going on right now. I'd like to keep it that way!

soooo stressed lately!

Things have been awfully stressful lately, as most of you know the doctors have decided to stop chemo treatments for my Dad so we have all expected things to turn for the worse but as of yet he seems to be good but now we are being more open about the situation and Dad is talking to us about his DNR and where we can find his will. Things that are hard to talk about but I suppose we need to know. Even though I'm almost certain that when the time comes for him I will be a total scatter brain and not be thinking about wills and stuff. So, I'm slightly stressed or more so worried about my Dad and how he will be over the next few weeks/ months. Then hubbies Grandma (whom he is very close to) had a operation for a stomach aneurysm and is having lots of complications cause a bunch of stress on my MIL - as she is the one that seems to take care of everyone. Then on Friday I got a call from my Mom saying she was admitted to the hospital, although she had to spend the four days in the ER cause there were no beds! She hasn't been feeling well for a while and truly is a mystery case for the doctors. They have done tons of tests and still can't figure out what is wrong, last time I was there the nurse said something about kidney failure!?!? It just seems like everyone is getting sick all at the same time and in just a few short months everything will probably change. Although I am surprised of all the people I thought would be sick he is doing the best!?

I posted a video of Jacob with one of his birthday toys that he absolutely loves!! He really likes his trains right now and this was the perfect gift for him!! If our house was a little bigger I would leave it up all the time but it's fairly big. I love hearing Jacob say "Hi, Mommy" - it's just cute.

Jacob and I went to the zoo on the weekend and spent four hours walking around, it was so nice out and the animals were all out having lunch. I took a bunch of pics and will try to post a few tomorrow. It was a great day ... until I got home - then I needed a hot bath and glass of wine to wind down before hubby went out for the evening.

Crazy video

Hopefully this posts OK, I'm new at trying to post videos. Yesterday when I was searching for pics of the splash park I came across this video and thought it was crazy!! What is your opinion?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0mUPr68x2U

So I just don't get this whole diet thing!? !? Tuesday I follow my diet about 90% (I admit I didn't drink my 8 glasses of water and I had a Popsicle) I went for a long walk and weighed myself Wednesday morning and was very happy to see I lost 2lbs!! YEAH !! But then Wednesday I followed my diet also about 90% (had another Popsicle and wasn't too good with my water intake but didn't think it was a big deal) I went for a short walk cause I had to go shopping for my Dad but then I weighed myself this morning and I gained those 2lbs back!?!? WTF !? Is it just water weight? Does this mean that I have to go for an hour walk everyday just to stay on track? How am I going to get anything done? I've just about had enough of this yo-yo stuff, it's frustrating when all you seem to be good at is gain weight!? My jeans are getting tight and I don't like it!! I really want to be back to my pre-pregnancy self, I feel like I never had much time to enjoy my thin self before getting pregnant and that it was a little tease. I miss being able to walk up to the clearance rack, buy a item and just know that it will look good! I am almost out of ideas and obviously I'm not good at loosing weight on my own, I need a plan!!