Need to make a decision...

Well, I went and talked to my 'coach' last night, it was the first time I've seen her in over a month!! (Probably been about 5 weeks since I last saw her cause it was always her niece there). It was nice to see her again after all this time and I think it was good to talk to her, someone that has "been there, done that". She said she was also having trouble getting back on 100% and she said she also gained 10lbs while on holidays, which made me feel a bit better. Not that I gained 10lbs while technically on holidays but since my last weigh in which was about 5 weeks ago I have gained 10lbs! :( I can't believe it myself, 10lbs in 5 weeks!?!? OMG! I will be back in my fat pants in no time at that rate! Sooooo ..... I need to make a decision!

I need to either decide to go back on IP 100% - no cheats, stick to the plan! OR .... try something new/ old? My thoughts on all of it is that I know IP works IF you stick to the plan 100% but it will work and it will work fast! I am just not that excited about starting it again, it wasn't really a diet I would say was "easy" to follow or one that I actually enjoyed. I'm not sure I even really learned anything on it but that could be because I never fazed out all the way. I like the idea of trying something new cause then it's exciting and new BUT ... will it work??? And then there is always the old stand by ... NS and the gym. It worked for me the first time I tried to diet and I still believe that even though it is a packaged food diet, I feel like I learned more on that diet. It broke more of my habits and taught me more about portion sizes. I feel like on NS it was more balanced then IP - I was able to have yogurt, fruit and whole grain foods, it is based on a low GI diet but on NS I didn't do well the last time I was on it cause I had the idea I was maintaining not loosing!? I just don't know what I want to do ... I'm so sick of salad but I know IP works. I am not happy with my weight yet and feel like I still have another 20lbs to go (10lbs from holidays and the last 10lbs I had before holidays). I need to figure this out and hopefully soon, cause I'm worried that if I don't have a plan I will continue to fail or in this case gain. :P

Its a conspiracy!!

I feel like my co-workers out to sabotage my diet!! Yesterday our driver brings us popcorn sets it right beside me!! And today my co-worker brings a big box of donuts insisting that I have one, and when I refuse he sets the box right behind where I sit so that every time I get up I see them!! :( I finally moved the box of donuts into our lunch room and have almost forgotten they are there!? I was so tempted to just have one... what harm would one do?! But I keep thinking ... just 3 more months and I will be much happier then if I ate that one donut right now!! I jumped on the scale for a little reassurance that I wasn't just doing this for no reason and I am happy with the number I saw on the scale so I guess it is working ... I just have to stay strong and stick to it!!!

I think my biggest craving or habit that I'm having a hard time breaking is stopping for a coffee when I'm out driving and yes you can have coffee on this diet but just not my regular extra large double double!! It isn't the coffee I think I am missing it is the "liquid ass expander" cream that makes the coffee yummy!! :) On Tues and Thurs when I go to visit my parents I would normally stop and get one, it's like when I quit smoking - every time I would have a coffee or get into the car I would crave to light up! It is these habits that I have to stop!

Last night for supper the only veggie I had in my freezer that was kinda on plan was some frozen broccoli in cheese sauce, since Jacob inhaled all my broccoli the night before all I had left were carrots so I checked the label and they didn't seem too bad? I'm not sure which would be worse, carrots or the cheese sauce. Needless to say I have to go shopping and buy more frozen veggies for suppers!

I had the banana pudding for snack last night it was OK ... very bananaee. hehe This weekend will be a test for me as well. We will be camping at the track, where there are lots of greasy fatty things for me to get but I packed my stuff and I am going to stay on track!! I'd be more then happy to see me under 210 and back into the single digits of the 200's. Then by then end of the month hopefully into Onederland!!! :)

more bad news ...

It just doesn't seem to be getting any better... just when I think things have settled down a bit and that I can focus on other things something comes up!? The weekend was good, it was a long weekend and we worked at the track all weekend, long hours but it was OK. Jacob stayed at his Grandparents all weekend and had tons of fun helping Grandpa build a new sun room on the house. Then Monday night we got a call ... my FIL had cut his thumb off, or at least a big part of his thumb!!? All I can really say is Thank God it wasn't when Jacob was there! I would hate to see the mess it caused and I would hate for Jacob to see his Grandpa in that much pain! We still don't really know how bad it is and I'm waiting to hear, I suppose I'll find out tonight but it sure doesn't sound too good!

Tonight is Tuesday and according to my new schedule that I made ... I plan on seeing my Dad tonight, by myself, this way I can have a little bit of conversation with him without getting interrupted by Jacob. It is also the first Tuesday of the month which means it's grocery shopping day and since I didn't go last month I should really go tonight! So ... it looks like I will be going to visit my Dad and then shopping after so it might be a long night!? :(

On the weight loss front ... there really isn't much change. You know it's been a long time when your weigh in ticker tells you you need to update it!!?? So, I really haven't been following the plan and up until recently I haven't been gaining any, just staying around the 205 mark, 2lbs up or down. But this morning I weighed in and maybe it's just water weight from the weekend but I was up 5lbs!? I hate my life!! Dieting SUCKS! and I hate being the size I am, I wish I would have tried harder when I was on mat leave and so much closer to my pre-pregnancy pants then I am now!? I am seriously considering trying the IP diet. I found out that my SIL was on it for 4 months and lost 50lbs! I really need to see those kind of results and I understand that after I get to goal I will probably put on a few just from going back to eating carbs and this will have to be a life time change... a forever thing and it will take A LOT more work for me to stay on it. As I will have to do a lot more prep work, no more counting on hubby to make the things I need for supper. Most things he cooks tend to come out of a box, so I will have to pre make a bunch of chicken breasts and have salad ready to go. We also tend to enjoy the veggies that are more high carb, carrots and corn so I will have to pre make my veggies. It will take more work but if I can see results that fast I think I'm willing to do it! I just have to make sure I AM willing to do it!!

So it seems like Mom is getting better, Dad is adjusting to his new home and we are slowly getting things out of his house. I am thinking of taking a bunch of photos of things to post on our Craig list in hopes to sell or have a garage sale but the weather might not let us do that this year. It is getting awfully cold out really fast!!

been busy ...

Well, I've been busy lately - I decided to not do the cleanse last week cause my boss was buying pizza for us and then on the weekend we were headed camping and I knew I just wouldn't be following the suggested diet while on the cleanse. So ... instead I started yesterday, I haven't given up coffee but I am trying to follow the diet part of it. High protein, low fat, low carb (which is pretty much what I was doing anyway) and so far it is going OK. I don't feel any different yet and the scale hasn't really shown any movement, not sure if it's cause I refuse to give up my morning coffee or not. The scale has been stuck on the same number for a while now, I'm not really sure why - I totally wish it would continue to fall but then I end up self sabotaging it in the evenings and will snack on things I shouldn't or go out for dinner with hubby and make bad choices!? I will soon run out of WS products and haven't planned on placing another order yet (they shipping is ridiculous), I am debating on starting a different plan - I'm not too sure U weight loss is the right plan for me and I'm kinda leaning towards the IP plan (cause I would love to see the quick results but I'm worried it might be too strict and I wont follow it). I'm just not sure what I should do.

So we have been busy with camping on the long weekend and this weekend we have a wedding to go to that is out of town. I really wanted to get a haircut for Jacob and I but I don't think I will have time now. I should probably go see my Mom tonight cause it's been a week since seeing her last and I need to pick stuff up for our weekend away. We work at the track tomorrow night and then leave Sat morning so I wont have time to do anything tomorrow!? My boss is on holidays for 2 weeks and I have been working later then usual making everything else later then normal (supper and bedtime).

Next weekend I have off and I plan on taking Jacob to Fort Edmonton, hopefully it's nice weather or we might have to do something indoors instead (like the museum or WEM). The summer is flying past and I need to get back focused on loosing weight for our trip and get things done around our house! Hopefully the last weekend in Aug we will have a garage sale cause if we don't get it done then, I don't think we will get it done at all and my basement has a big pile of stuff that needs to go!!! :(

Hopefully I can post some pics of our camping trip tomorrow! :)

Jacob is 22 months!

Only 2 more short months till Jacob is 2!!! :o I can't believe it, I look back at his baby pictures and can hardly believe it is the same kid? He has changed so much and as much as I miss the baby he once was I am so happy we are past some of the harder stages. I LOVE that he can talk now and tell me what he wants and although his vocabulary isn't as good as it will be, it is enough that I can usually tell what he wants. He can now jump (finally) and he loves jumping! He can also go up and down stairs without holding on to the wall or someones hand, although he and I still prefer if he did! ;) I am sometimes amazed at the things he does, like chin ups on the bars and he will hang from them. I don't know why this surprises me, but every time I see him pull himself up and so chin ups I feel like doing a little cheer! :) He is now wearing size 3 (sometimes even a 4 - depending on the cut)! We measured him for fun yesterday and he is 34" so, assuming he grows at least another inch by his birthday (he would be 35") and you times that by two ... he should be just over 5'8" when he is an adult, slightly taller then me! He does the funniest things now and I notice he does a lot more imaginary play, where he talks to himself as he plays cars or babbles while in the bath. I took video of him yesterday, he took on a 4 foot bunny rabbit I had for Easter and got stuck between the bunnies legs, he ended up dragging the bunny across the room until he got loose then decided to hide his train in the bunnies sock!?! LOL

As for the diet .... it is going OK, I need to get more strict with myself. I haven't had a big cheat, like gone out for dinner or anything like that but I have had a few bits of Jacobs snack at night or and extra coffee during the day. I think I need to cut out my supper starch and maybe even my breakfast one? I weighed in today just to see if I was on the right track and there has been no change?? I suppose it is good that I haven't gained but the whole point of this diet was to loose!! If I want to maintain I could be eating real food? So, more strict I will be!! :)

1st Weigh in!

Today was our first weigh in, and I'm happy to announce that I am down 6.2lbs!!! :D And to think I wasn't even really 100%!? Just imagine the possibilities, as soon as I finish some stuff I had bought before my order came like carrots, yogurt and LF cheese sticks - I am going to try and eat less carb type fruit and veggies. Hopefully this will let me see another big loss next week!? So, I think we will just weigh ourselves as we want - Bryan likes to weigh himself almost everyday (sometimes twice a day!) and I am a once a week type weigher (cause I like to see a bigger #), then on July 1st (3 months from now) we will have our final weigh in where everyone will meet so we can see every ones numbers! Maybe make a little party out of it, present the winner with their money - confetti can fall from the ceiling!? ;) I pretty excited though, and I'm hoping to see a another big number next week!! :)

Not much else is new, we went shopping the other night to look at swing sets for Jacob - we found one we like so now I think we should just wait a few weeks to see if it goes on sale. We have FOUR birthday parties to attend in the next three weeks!! Two are turning 1, one is turning 4 and the other is 80!! he he We enrolled Jacob in gymnastics and I'm super excited to start, Jacob is a climbing machine!! We also start race season in a few weeks, which I'm also pretty excited for! Not only does it mean Jacob sleeps over at the Grandparents every Friday night but it also means a steady pay cheque for hubby!! Jacob is also having a sleepover at his Grandparents tonight, Grandma offered to take him so I could get my taxes done (which will probably take a few hours!), hopefully he will sleep good for them. We still have issues with him waking in the night, at least once. I actually bought a soother so that I could try and switch him to that instead of wanting the bottle at 5am! I think it is working, he likes to chew on it and seems to be drinking less milk. It probably isn't the best way to break a habit (by starting a new one) but I really want him to get off the bottle and start sleeping through the night! :( Hopefully soon it will start working?

And now it starts ....

I finally picked up my parcel last night, I opened it as soon as I put it in my car and was quiet excited to get started!! And although the box is half the size as my usual NS shipment it didn't faze me ... until this morning when I was packing my lunch. I'm so used to packing NS size lunches that when I saw what I had put in my lunch bag now I thought there is no way I can do this!!?? My lunch bag was nearly empty! I think I will take pics just to give you an idea, it really was scary!

So this morning I woke up with a headache - not a good way to start a diet but I figure there is no more excuses! I need to start today, stick it out and see results!! So here is what my morning looks like:

Breakfast = 1 shake/pudding (depending on how you make it), 1 starch and 1 fruit

Morning snack = 1 shake/pudding

Lunch = 1 protein bar, 1 shake/ pudding OR 1 soup, 1 fruit

Afternoon snack = 1 shake/pudding

Supper = 5oz lean meat and 2 cups of veggies

Snack = 1 shake/pudding

So needless to say my lunch bag looked VERY empty but it hasn't been too bad so far!? It is almost lunch time and I had 20oz of water so far (probably pee'd just as many times as ounces I've drank!!). The chocolate shake was good and I just finished a Strawberry one, both were good, nothing to write home about. I had a slice of toast this morning for my starch and a apple, to tell you the truth I kinda freaked out a bit when packing my lunch and threw in a yogurt (just in case)!! he he It seemed very strange to not pack any veggies for my lunch? I suppose I could divide my supper veggies and have one cup for lunch, one for dinner? I might have to do a little adjusting to my menu, so far it seems tolerable? I assume I will feel like crap for the first 3 days, like you do when you start most diets and your body is getting used to not eating everything you used to.

My biggest issue today is my headache! If that was gone I would feel much better! Everything irritates me more when I have a headache. Every time I feel like eating I take a drink of water, my goal for this week is to drink half my weight in ounces everyday!! I am also going to try and not have carbs as my veggie, no carrots, peas or corn!

New weight challenge

Just a quick post ... been busy at work, boss away.... etc.

So - today our mini-challenge started, $25 in a pot for 3 months and the one with the most % weight loss wins the pot. My official start weight is 222.8lbs! :o Which super sucks cause it makes me realize just how much weight I have gained since having Jacob and having my gallbladder removed! I almost weigh the same as the guy I work with that is also in the mini-challenge. It's kinda embarrassing, but on the plus side - hopefully I can loose it faster then him cause I have more to loose!?? I still however have NOT received my new diet plan yet and I will hopefully get it this week? I am a little concerned about this weekend, I volunteered to host Easter supper which I should be able to not cheat with (since I am the one preparing the meal) but the Easter bunny will also be making an appearance so I will have to try really hard not to taste some of Jacobs treats!! We are also planning on going to the zoo this weekend and doing lots of family visiting!! I will try and keep you posted on my new diet plan, but probably won't post again till next week.

**** HAPPY EASTER !!! :D

Counting down ...

Well, I finally did it... I made my choice ... I am going to try Wonderslim, and even though we are pretty broke right now and I probably shouldn't have ordered it... I did! Hopefully hubby won't be too mad? I'm going to give it a month of no cheats and working 100% at trying to loose this weight! And if that month goes good then I will place another order! If however that month doesn't get the results I'm hoping for then I think I will try a modified version of Ideal Protein. I have four friends that have are either currently on it or have been on it and the results were amazing! The only reason I am not trying that diet first is because I'm worried that it might be too striked for me to stick too? We will see how the next month goes, I really want to loose this weight and I'm almost willing to try just about anything!? I just need to get past the first few days and detox then I should be fine! Below is a picture of the kit I ordered:

April 1st I am starting a challenge with a guy at work and his girlfriend, we are putting $25 in a pot, giving it 3 months and whoever looses the most % of weight will win the pot!! I'm pretty excited about it and hopefully with the help of Wonderslim I can kick his and his girlfriends butt!! :) Too bad there wasn't more people in on it though, a bigger prize might be more encouraging although I know the real prize will be fitting in my pre-pregnancy pants!!

Not too much else is new ... I'm thinking about enrolling Jacob into gymnastics, his cousins are enrolled right now and I think it would be nice for him to go to the same place they do, then they can get to know each other better and hopefully become closer!? It's up to my SIL though, she was thinking they might do swimming for the summer so if that happens then I will enroll Jacob at a place closer to home. I think he would really enjoy gymnastics and hopefully he is old enough to follow some of the direction the instructors give?

not the best year ....

I don't feel so good today ... sorry for not writing sooner... been busy at work, home and life in general has been a little crazy! My Grandpa (my Dads Dad) passed away on Friday making my weekend very crappy and full of emotional baggage! My hubby came to my work to tell me the news just as my SIL had phoned and was letting me know at the exact same time. I left work early and we headed to go see my Dad at the hospital, apparently he was a little upset about it. It was hard for me and still is, I feel like I never had a chance to grieve or mourn his loss cause every time I started to cry Jacob would get upset and I would have to put on a happy face to cheer him up or try to figure out what his issue was. Then on the weekend I took Jacob out to see my Dad again and we stopped in to see Grandma, she was surprisingly holding up quiet well. And then on Sunday we had swimming, I feel like I couldn't even take a day to remember, a day to forget and carry on. I suppose it's partially my fault, I never even thought about asking hubby to watch Jacob while I took time to cry it out and I'm sure he would have. Instead I held it in and took it out on him Sunday night. Things seem better now, we are back to normal and I still get a little upset when I think about him but I'm able to talk about it now. I am however a little upset that my Grandma has decided to NOT have a memorial for Grandpa, I feel like there is no closure, she says maybe in a few months we will have a get together. Why drag it out? I just don't get it, tomorrow is the cremation that we are apparently invited to but I don't want to attend. I will just have to figure it out on my own I suppose?

I have been going to the gym a lot lately and even though I had some comfort food on Friday, I was still able to loose weight. I am down one more pound, which is good but then I think ... I'm only down 4lbs in 5 weeks - I just want more! I know it's healthy to loose it slowly and as long as I'm loosing I shouldn't be upset, I should be happy about my loss. Instead I think of all the money I'm throwing away on a diet plan that clearly isn't working!? Or is it just me self sabotaging it? I cancelled my NS, and I'm moving on ... to what, I'm not too sure yet!?

Feb already .... !

January seemed to fly by, I can't believe it is already February and that much closer to spring!! Not too much new happening, Grandpa isn't doing so well - they say that his cancer is progressing really fast and that we should all prepare ourselves (could be a week, could be a month - but probably won't be much longer). Dad is also hanging in, he has surgery tomorrow and then will probably be spending a week in the hospital which would be good for him. I have noticed though that he has become more emotional around me which is really hard, my family was never good at sharing our feelings so to hear my Dad cry on the phone is super hard! I think he is mostly upset because he is loosing his Independence more and more, he had to ask me to help to some laundry for him when I was over there last time (which I totally don't mind at all) but it made him upset - I think because it is something that he should be able to do but can no longer manage to climb stairs with a laundry hamper. He is probably also upset about his Dad being sick and how he is the oldest boy and should be the one to look after his Mom but can't?!

On a more happy note .... Jacob is getting cuter everyday!! He repeats way more words then he used too and although a lot of them don't quite sound right they are close. The other day we were leaving swimming lessons and there was a big diesel truck running that Jacob pointed to so I said - "oh, a big loud diesel" and Jacob repeated diesel but it sounded more like "deezeel" - now we need to be more aware of what we are saying cause next thing I know I will have a little two year old cursing in the back seat!! ;) Our bedtime routine has become fairly smooth, if he's really tired he tells me to sit in his bed with him and I read some books then turn off the lights close the door and he goes to sleep. If he isn't that tired but it after 8:30 I tell him it's bedtime, we collect his puppy and blankie take it to bed, close the door and he goes to sleep. He does still wake usually once a night but lately it has been more like early morning, around 5:30am, and only a few times he has gotten out of bed on his own in the middle of the night and I hear little foot steps in the hallway.

He is also much better with going to the gym daycare and usually doesn't cry at all when I drop him off. I am liking that I can spend an hour to take care of myself and still be able to spend time with him at night. Although I haven't been seeing the results I would like to see from sweating my a$$ off! Tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm hoping to see at least a pound loss but I know I have had a few cheats. I don't' know why I keep thinking that it's OK to have a cheat here and there - it's like I keep thinking that I'm on maintenance or I think that it's OK to eat a cookie or two cause I worked out the night before!? I think I need to start a new plan, one that I haven't been on before so that I give it 100% so that I stop myself from thinking that it's OK to have a treat cause last time I was on this diet (NS) it was OK to have a extra snack, cause last time I made it to goal. So today I cancelled my NS shipments, I am going to finish off the food I have (about a month and a half worth of food), then start a new diet! I will still try and loose as much as I can for this last month on NS but then I need to decide if I want to join my friends on their IP diet (which seems to be working well for them but has a strict no fruit, no dairy, no carb rule) or try a new diet that no one I know is on but you are allowed some fruit, dairy and even a starch for breakfast if you want (Medifast/Wonderslim) from all the info I have read on this diet it looks to be like a high protein, low fat diet that you have shakes, protein bars and buy their soups, similar to NS. I have a month to think about it and if my girlfriends end up doing as good as I think they will then I may try the IP diet, I just hate the thought of no fruit and yogurt cause those are like my treats for the day? But if you see the huge numbers then maybe it's worth it to live without those pleasures? I don't really want to be one of those people that "have tried every diet out there" - I just want the one that works!!

weekend stuff

The weekend was OK, some good ... some bad - I feel like I'm the only person that looks forward to Monday for a little bit of regularity!? My Discovery Toy Party went well, more people showed up then I expected making for good sales and more free product for me! On Saturday we had two baby showers/ open houses to attend, one was in the morning (close to our house) and the second was at my BFF's out in St.Albert so we were away all day! I decided to also visit my Dad since I was out there so that I didn't have to go back on Sunday. Jacob was a pretty good boy at both events, he has actually been a pretty good boy lately. Happy and talkative, not yelling and cranky - I love how he is so close to communicating and he totally understands everything we say, its not as frustrating as before.

My Dad was doing OK, he needs to go for surgery, which is good and bad, good that they believe it will help him but bad that they aren't sure he has the strength to go through it!? He might have to spend a few days in the hospital which I think would be great!!! And even he said it wouldn't hurt to have a short hospital visit. I also found out on Saturday that my Dads Dad (my Grandpa) had to be air ambulanced home from Yuma, he had high levels of calcium (which apparently means heart attack) and and infection they couldn't figure out. He is now home and they have determined he has lung cancer! I feel like everyone is getting cancer!! They say that cancer directly affects 1 in 4 people but I feel there are 4 people in my family alone that have been touched by cancer!! Sunday we spent it visiting my hubbies family and we went to visit my Grandpa in the hospital.

Jacob has been testing his limits with his bedtime routine, before we would ask him if it was bedtime and tell him to grab his blanky and off he would go to bed, then after about 20 minutes he would escape and stand in the hallway with his teddy bear saying "hi" - it was so cute that we would just figure he wasn't ready for bed and let him stay up a little longer then try again in a half hour, which turned into another half hour and so on. So we put our foot down and now we let him stay up till about 9pm, but when he goes to bed we latch the door. The first night we could hear him whine a bit and when we went to check on him a little bit later he had passed out behind the door on the floor with his huge teddy bear. Last night was a bit better, we could hear him whine but when we went to check on him he was in bed, so either he never bothered getting out of bed or he found his way back. My hubby is going to be away from Thursday till Monday, he has to work at the car show and apparently it is all day all night so I will be handling Jacobs bedtime routine by myself. Hopefully it goes well!? And since he gets 4 days to himself I am seriously considering going to another scrapbook retreat that is in the fall, it is for an entire weekend and just out of town so hubby would be by himself for a weekend. I feel that it is fair, except that my weekend will cost money to attend and his weekend away is going to make money!? ;) lol

I have been going to the gym quiet regularly, I tried to go on Friday but found out when I got there that they don't have day care services on Friday evening so we went home. And all weekend I was busy with other things but I went last night and had a great workout, I tried a new class that really made me sweat but it was good, I'd do it again! I also plan on going at least 2 more times this week. Tomorrow I will weigh in and I'm hoping for a nice number! I must admit I'm slightly jealous of one of my girlfriends that is on a new diet (ideal protein) and has lost 12lbs in a week!! Her girlfriend that is also doing the diet lost 16! It makes my little 1lbs loss seem so tiny!? But I'm not sure I could stick to the strict diet of Ideal Protein, even with seeing the huge numbers!! ? Congrats to them though, they are doing great and I'm glad they both found a diet that works for them.

Papa is sick

Well, I guess my Dad isn't doing so well. My brother called the other night to say that he stopped in to see how things were and it looked like my Dad hadn't been out of bed in a few days, hadn't eaten and hadn't finished taking his chemo meds for his first round. So yesterday my SIL stopped in to again and determined that he was dehydrated and needed to go to the hospital, so that is where he is now. I'm actually kinda happy that he is there, cause he has no one at home so at least this way there are nurses to look after him and he will get 3 hot meals a day! I'm hoping that they keep him in there for a while to try and fatten him up but I doubt they will keep him, with all the budget cuts!?

On the diet front, it's hard .... I finding that I am a stress eatter, and right now I seem to have a lot of stress in my life!! I'm good at work, probably because I only bring healthy foods but at night (especially if my hubby isn't home) I tend to snack more, not really bad but I'll have 2 NS snacks instead of the one I'm suppose to or I'll finish off Jacobs snack. My vice right now is coffee, my goal for the week will be to have one glass of water in place of one cup of coffee.

Jacob was really good last night, I think this dayhome thing is really working well! Apparently they have him coloring lots which he really likes. He actually slept straight through the night till 4:30 this morning, which is much beter then he was! However it took me forever to fall asleep, I tossed and turned for a good hour before finally falling asleep!?

I'm cooking my very first turkey this Saturday and I'm kinda nervous, hopefully I won't ruin everyones supper!? It's a potluck so there will be other food, I'm just doing the turkey, stuffing, gravy and maybe a salad?

Woke up this morning to snow!! The drive to work was rediculous! The accident report on the radio was crazy! I hate winter driving but can't wait to have fun with Jacob in the snow!! I wanted to take pictures of him with all the leaves on the ground but now they are cover in a skiff of snow?! Maybe I will take pics today after supper?

busy

Well, I've been pretty busy ... between work, my Dad, taking care of the house and trying to spend time with Jacob it has been a little hectic.

Dad has been doing OK, he isn't eating half as much as he should and is all skin and bones now but I think he is in good spirits. He has his last treatment of radiation today and then starts chemo on Sept.11th. He still needs to decide if he wants to take it by pill or by injection, not sure which way he is leaning towards. I'm a little worried that when he starts chemo he will get really sick and I'm hoping that he gets admitted to the hospital so that the nurses can look after him.

My nephew has his birthday party this weekend, he is turning 8!! We will probably be showing up late which really won't be late cause that is just the way my brothers parties go. He tells you 2 but they don't start doing anything till long after everyone gets there. It kinda bugs us that we show up on time and then just sit around waiting for something!?

Jacob is doing great, I love that little guy so much! I love when he gives kisses without even asking for them, makes me feel like he loves me just as much as I love him! :) Well, it looks like my MIL is going to watch Jacob for us during the week, Tues, Wed and Fridays so I can stop looking for sitters or day homes. My hubby says he told me about it but I know for a fact that he never mentioned any such news to me!! I hate when he tells me he told me stuff but I know he never and he blames my bad memory on not remembering.

FINALLY .... Jacob claps!! It's the cutest thing to see, he was trying to stand on his little stool without the help of anything around him and finally he got on it and stood up tall and clapped! We start swimming lessons on the 13th, I'm looking forward to getting back in the pool and I think Jacob will understand a bit more now.

Work is kinda confusing.... they hired a new guy, and I thought were suppose to tell the old guy that his days were numbered but then on Monday they brought in another computer!? So now we have 4 people answering the phone and really aren't busy enough to warrant having 4 counter people so ... I'm wondering WTH is going on!? Someone has to leave, there is no way we need all these people here!? Now I'm wondering if it might be me, I don't think so but you just never know, what if they backdoor me!? Hopefully they tell us soon what is going on!

I think I will be getting my NS order this week so that means I am back on the diet wagon! 100% this time!!! No ifs, ands OR butt's !! he he I just need to be strong, find my willpower and listen to my gut! I remember how long it took me to loose the weight last time and I'm not looking forward to a lifetime of dieting but I'm so sick of being the fat Mom that looks like I have a spare tire around my waist! I feel like I'm in the right mind set this time to loose the weight and I'm hoping that by Christmas I will be half way to my goal, by Jacobs 2nd birthday I want to be back in my skinny pants!!

14 months!

WOW - 14 Months already!! So, some things that are new and exciting in Jacobs world:

**He is climbing on EVERYTHING! He is our little dare devil with no fear, he has fallen A LOT, which makes me feel bad but I know it's part of life and growing.

**He likes to be naked now, diaper changing is quite the challenge! We are still using the change table but I think soon we will be doing diaper changes on the floor!

**He still wakes once during the night, usually around 4am, we change him, give him a bottle and he goes right back to sleep usually until 7:30am.

**He still really likes his fruit and veggies, tomatoes are his fave right now. Some of his other faves are - cucumbers, peaches, cauliflower, and broccoli. I have recently given him the yogurt drinks which he likes and popcorn twists are probably his favorite snack.

**He tells us more now (in his own little way), he tells us when he wants to go to bed, when he wants a snack and when he wants supper.

**He gives hugs and kisses when asked and is starting to point to things when asked where they are. eg. "where is the dog?"

**He wears size 18month - 24month/ 2yr now and has size 5 shoes!

We had a fairly busy weekend - Friday races were cancelled but MIL still took Jacob for a sleepover so I had a night off (didn't do much but it was nice). Saturday Jacob and I went to St.Albert for a car show, visited some friends and had a BBQ with my Dad. Did a little bit of gardening at my Dads and hopefully next weekend we will do more (I want to steal some of his plants and plant them at my house). Sunday Jacob and I went visiting to hubbies Grandparents and hubby was suppose to finish the floor in the basement and trim the hedge. But when I got home all that was done was half the hedge and it looked pretty sad so we chopped the whole thing down to the ground!! Yesterday my MIL got into a car accident, she seems OK? Never went to the hospital but the crash sounded bad? Another driver ran a yield sign and hit the passenger side of her car making her car flip. She was upside down when the ambulance got there? I think she will be sore today and hopefully she will go to the doctors just to make sure everything is alright!? I hate car accidents - so scary!!

I'm still doing the SlimQuick thing, it seems to be working? I don't think I am snacking as much as before or having the cravings. I went for a walk last night to the mall (which is a pretty long walk) and felt good, Jacob also fell asleep easy so he must have liked the fresh air! Hopefully I will see results, I really miss my thin self and NEED to get back into my skinny jeans!! :( I will weigh myself on Friday.

Work is starting to suck!

I got in a HUGE fight with one of the guys I work with and now I'm thinking that work is feeling strange and ackward?! It all started because a few days ago one of our delivery trucks had a flat tire and the driver decided to try and put air in it with a bicycle pump. So I posted something on Facebook about how I couldn't believe she was doing this, it was quite humourous to see. Well I guess the wife of the guy I work with (he is almost 60 and should be retired but seems to think he is doing us a favor by staying?) WAS my "friend" on Facebook and she say this comment and thought it was inappropriate for me to make such a comment about our company and the guy let me know what he thought of me too calling me names like "dummy" and how I was stupid and beter watch what I put on Facebook because he would hate to see me loose my job over this!? ? Well of course I yelled back telling him I thought it was funny and that he needs to pull his head out of his a$$ and if anyone is going to be leaving it ain't going to be me!! I was furious and to make matters worse when I told my hubby about it the next day he sounded like he was taking my co-workers side!! :o It's just the icing on the cake, this has been going on for a while and now we finally just had a blow out! On the Friday before the long weekend I posted how I was getting off work early and one of my customers wrote "NO dont do this to me" .... I got talked to about that too!? WTF ? Pisses me off, I am in no way worried about my job, I feel very secure and unfortunately my boss is on holidays right now and the idiot that I had a fight with leaves today for his holidays (thank God). So on Monday I have to have a talk with my boss and tell him my side of the story!!

I remember when I first started back at work I was up early and here early, so excited to start my day!! And now it's getting harder and harder for me to get out of bed and I'm lucky if I'm here 15 minutes early!? I still enjoy being at work but it is getting harder to leave the house. Our sitter is doing ok, he is giving me a taste of what it will be like to have a teenage boy in the house and I must say I hope Jacob is nothing like him! It is hard trusting someone else with your baby and even though the sitter is really only there to entertain him and hubby still does most of the work there are days that hubby isn't home at all so the sitter has to do everything by himself. These days I don't like, Jacob usually ends up with a diaper rash that is so bad he screams when you try to change his diaper. I tried telling the sitter and hubby that he needs to change his diaper more often and make sure it is clean afer BM! So I'm not sure what the problem is and why the rash only happens when the sitter is by himself (obviously he isn't changing him enough?). Because of this I have been letting Jacob go naked a lot in the evening but since he is still clueless when it comes to using the potty I have to watch to make sure he doesn't pee all over the carpet!! I bought some "big boy" underware the other day, the waffle type, just so that he can wear them and if he does pee then at least it isn't all over the carpet! I just keep telling myself that it is only for a few more weeks and then the sitter goes back to school and then we have to figure out what we want to do, get another sitter part time or maybe a dayhome or nothing at all (although I don't think this last one is an option).

I finished my first week on SlimQuick and I have noticed a slight difference, I just did the 7 day cleanse to start off. I have been following the same diet plan (low fat, high protein) and weighed myslef this morning .... I'm down 4lbs! But that might just be water weight considering I just finished TOM? I'll keep going for a month and hopefully will continue to see results, and if I don't see any results then I might have to go back on NS but be 100% and deal with the lack of choices for meals!?

We got a computer given to us last night - a guy my hubby did some work for paid us by building a computer. So hopefully I will be able to get the photos off my camera and post some new pics very soon!!! :D

rough night

I sure miss not being able to post pics of Jacob on here and I haven't' been able to change the font on here for a very long time either!? WTH?

So besides the fact that Jacob didn't want to nap at all this weekend it was an OK weekend. Friday thanks to my Mom and her BF I was able to go to the track and she came over to watch Jacob. The races were actually over early so she didn't have to stay past midnight but since there was no sleep over I didn't get to have my sleep in day. Saturday afternoon we (Jacob and I) headed to my Dads for a short visit and then decided to check out the car show in St.Albert (Rock N August). We didn't stay at the show for too long, it was kinda boring by myself and Jacob was getting tired. Saturday night Jacob's horns came out, probably from lack of sleep, he dunked my Blackberry in the dog water dish and wouldn't stop picking on the dog!~ Sunday wasn't much better, once again no morning nap so I went to visit my Mom and hung out there for most of the day, I was hoping Jacob would nap there but he didn't so we stayed for an early supper and then Jacob started getting really grumpy so we had to eat and run. He crashed the minute he got in the car but it was already 5:30pm so I didn't want him to sleep too long, woke him up when we got home and he was absolutely miserable for the rest of the evening! On the plus side he slept great through the night and didn't even make a peep the entire night! Then Monday I guess all he did all day was sleep for the sitter so last night he didn't sleep at all! He fought going to bed at 9pm and woke at midnight and didn't fall back asleep till 1:30am! I'm tired!!

I don't operate well off lack of sleep, my hubby on the other hand can have minimal sleep and still be OK? I'm grumpy, irritable and might snap at any moment now!! :(

So I'm giving "SlimQuick" a try, and so far I kinda feel a bit different but weight wise I haven't changed a bit! I feel fuller faster and when I get the munchies and reach for chips or snack type food they just don't taste as good as I remember? It's like when I quit smoking, after awhile they just didn't taste good so I just stopped smoking? I'm hoping to see results, I will give it a month to see if it is any good but I do realize that I need to exercise more in order to see the results I want to see but I just can't seem to find the time. I know there is after supper but I feel bad if I don't take Jacob with me and he is at the point now where he isn't liking the stroller for longer then 30min. I guess I could wait till after he is in bed, he is usually in bed by 8:30pm, but by then I'm very lazy! I am officially back to the weight I was before the New Mom Biggest Loser challenge and very miserable! I'm about to give up on the whole situation all together but I know that won't make me happy either!? OK - I'm done b*tching for today!! ;)

Crazy video

Hopefully this posts OK, I'm new at trying to post videos. Yesterday when I was searching for pics of the splash park I came across this video and thought it was crazy!! What is your opinion?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0mUPr68x2U

So I just don't get this whole diet thing!? !? Tuesday I follow my diet about 90% (I admit I didn't drink my 8 glasses of water and I had a Popsicle) I went for a long walk and weighed myself Wednesday morning and was very happy to see I lost 2lbs!! YEAH !! But then Wednesday I followed my diet also about 90% (had another Popsicle and wasn't too good with my water intake but didn't think it was a big deal) I went for a short walk cause I had to go shopping for my Dad but then I weighed myself this morning and I gained those 2lbs back!?!? WTF !? Is it just water weight? Does this mean that I have to go for an hour walk everyday just to stay on track? How am I going to get anything done? I've just about had enough of this yo-yo stuff, it's frustrating when all you seem to be good at is gain weight!? My jeans are getting tight and I don't like it!! I really want to be back to my pre-pregnancy self, I feel like I never had much time to enjoy my thin self before getting pregnant and that it was a little tease. I miss being able to walk up to the clearance rack, buy a item and just know that it will look good! I am almost out of ideas and obviously I'm not good at loosing weight on my own, I need a plan!!

Too much to do!

I really miss not being able to post pics on here for everyone but hubby is so incredibly busy that it seems to be taking him forever to transfer my pics over to the laptop, I could upload all the pics from my camera onto the laptop but I don't want to slow it down anymore then it already is. We NEED a new computer, then I can get all the pics off my camera but we have no time to go shopping! Maybe I will go by myself sometime or take my friend up on his offer to build me a new one, either way it would probably take the same amount of time!?

Dog sitting is going OK, yes "hyper-Piper" has settled down quite a bit but Sunday night she made a mess! Of course it was a night where Jacob was having a good sleep there fore letting us have a good sleep but then at 4:30am I heard this quiet whine from the dog so I got up to let her out and while I waited for her to finish outside I noticed that she had already finished in our living room and was probably waking me up to let me know she messed!! If only she would have whined a little earlier or maybe she did but I was having such a good sleep that I just never heard her!? Other then that and the fact that she sheds REALLY bad!! I have to swiffer twice a day and even then there is still hair everywhere!! No wonder my SIL's kitchen chairs looked like they had little knitted booties!!! ;)

I went to visit my Dad on Sunday and boy is he ever thin now!! I hope he gets in to the Cross right away and they can start treating him!! I really would like for him to come over to my place at least for weekends but our basement still needs a few things done, like floor in the spare bedroom and the light switches need to be put in place. There is also a leaky pipe that needs to be fixed before the floor can go down and it would be nice if there was furniture for him to sit on downstairs!! :( But hubby is so busy, he is looking after Jacob during the day which doesn't give him much time to do reno/ repair things and in the evenings when I get home he has to go work in the garage to make money!! Then on weekends we work at the track (thank God or he wouldn't be bringing in any money!) and then another week starts! At this rate I'll be lucky if I can get my Dad over before his treatment is over!? It's stressful for both of us, hubby was pretty stressed yesterday, with "hyper-Piper" acting all crazy and Jacob was having a bad day, I could tell when I got home from work that he was slightly grumpy.

So I've been kinda OK with the diet but obviously not good enough!! I swear I have gained back ALL the weight I lost on the Moms Biggest Loser challenge and I'm seriously pissed about it but what do I tend to do when I'm mad and upset .... yup, I eat and usually not good things. Late night snacking seems to be my weak point in the day. After Jacob goes to bed, hubby is working outside and I sit dreaming of sugar plum fairies! ;) I will have to change my routine and keep myself busy after Jacob is in bed. So it seems like I am stuck in a circle - I'm can't loose the weight cause I snack too much but I snack too much cause I'm depressed that I can't loose the weight!? I have even been going for walks almost everyday and taking Jacob to the park after supper. I just don't know what to do anymore, maybe I need to go on another plan? NS worked but I'm kinda sick of the food, JC is soooo expensive, WW doesn't work for me cause I cheat on it, maybe LA ?

affair ....

Dear Sweets,

You have been there when I needed you the most, through the emotional, stressful and lonely times. You have cheered me up by just being there and letting me hold you. But it needs to end! I want to be with coffee more, he doesn't hurt me the ways you do by adding pounds of frustration and self hatred. I need to spend more time with things that will help me reach my goals and even though you were a good listener I need someone that will help me reach my goals. The affair was great while it lasted but I need to get back to what I once was .... a size 10!!!

Yup, I weighed in today, just for sh*ts and giggles and there was neither of those happening! I'm so mad at myself and I'm starting to get discouraged! I've gained almost all the weight I lost and I blame chocolate, I can feel the extra weight when I walk, the way my clothes fit, it just seriously pisses me off!! Why can't it be easier! ? My hubby knows there is something bugging me and asks but I don't tell him I'm mad at myself for eating crap and getting fat! I'm sure he's sick of hearing me say it and he never really offers any advice anyway. He just gives me a look like "well, if you don't like it then do something about it" which just makes me feel guilty and bad cause I just can't seem to figure out how!

Time management is harder then I thought now that I am back at work and have Jacob in the evenings. I NEED to start going for evening walks but now that Jacob is older I'm not sure if he will even sit for that long in the stroller? He will want to walk too but if I go his pace I won't even get my heart rate up. I'm all out of fruits and veggies and normally I would just take Jacob to the store and pick some up but when I don't get home till 5ish, make dinner and then depending on Jacob either give him a bath and he's ready for bed or I could manage to either go for a walk or go shopping after supper but not both (as long as he had a nap that day). I'm sure it will get easier and one of the guys at work here suggested that maybe I go for morning walks instead which actually isn't a bad idea. I could go by myself, sort out my thoughts, not worry about baby, come home and have a shower. Then the evenings would still be "our" time to have fun with Jacob. I also NEED to get rid of the chocolate almond boxes that are for sale in front of me, tempting me all day!! Next week I will stay a little late after work and move my computer to the other side of the counter and put the chocolates at the other end!

So besides being slightly depressed about my weight which I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about! I'm doing OK, I really enjoy having the break from Jacob during the day and can't wait till he is old enough to tell me what he has done all day without me. I love seeing his face light up when he sees me and the way he gives me a snuggle after a long day at work. This weekend I have so much to do, I have to do everything that I normally would do during the week (like clean the bathrooms, floors and vacuum), I also need to go to the photo place to order our pics I want and thank you cards, I should also go to the grocery store and pick up fruits and veggies (cause I don't think I'll have time tonight or tomorrow), I need to return/ exchange some gifts Jacob got (mostly clothes but they are at 4 different stores) and I really should go visiting family. I wish I could work part time but my job doesn't really offer that, then I could get the stuff done that hubby can't seem to figure out!? Like going to the grocery store for fruit or doing laundry!