Dads surgery

Above is a picture of me and my Dad in 2005 on the day of my wedding, it was a great day, a day I will forever remember.

Dads surgery apparently went very well, he is awake and aware of where he is, not "out of it" like we all thought he would be. He is refusing pain meds, which doesn't surprise me, he is a very stubborn man that never really complained about aches and pains. He wants me to come see him this week but I'm not sure I can fit it in, it's just so hard since he is about an hour away and with Jacob it makes it hard to bring him with me just for a short visit and then another hour drive home!? We will definitely be seeing him on Saturday and I will try to get up to see him on Friday night. I'm very happy the surgery went well, it was nice to finally hear some good news.

This morning I heard some very bad news, my "Big Sister" from a youth group I belonged to for many years passed away on Tuesday. It was very unexpected, they need to do a autopsy, all I've been told is that she had a bladder infection, went to the hospital cause she didn't feel good, had a seizure and passed away. It was so quick that I don't even think her Mom was able to be with her in those last minutes. February is going to be a very sad month I'm afraid!

I went to the gym last night and had a fairly good work out. There is a new class for the sprint circuit that I enjoy, it gives variety of machines and cardio. I didn't have time to do the whole class cause I wanted to get Jacob home by 8pm and even if I wanted to do the whole class it wouldn't have mattered ... I got interrupted. One of the ladies that works in the day care came and got me out of the class, she said that Jacob didn't look good that his eyes were all puffy and red, that he looked really flushed and wouldn't stop crying!? So I go upstairs to get him and he looks absolutely fine!!? I notice he is one of the last kids there and mention something about how he is all alone but his eyes looked fine, no redness or puffiness!? So I take him and he head out. As I was putting my boots on I noticed that there was another mother with her little girl that was also up there so I asked her if they called her to get her child too and she said no, she works in the day care. So this leads me to think that they just called me up there to pick up Jacob so that they could go home early since Jacob was the last paying kid in there!? I'm a little ticked about it, hubby says I should phone and complain. Other then that, things are going good with going to the gym, Jacob playing in the day care while I work out and then we head home for a little play time and book reading before bedtime!!

Below is a picture of my Grandpa (my Dads Dad) that is also very sick right now, it was also taken on my wedding day. I went to see my Grandpa on Tuesday night and things don't look so good, he is now in palliative care, I don't even think he knew I was there to visit him (he seemed so out of it). It was so hard to hold back my tears, all the stress and sickness is starting to get to me.

Feb already .... !

January seemed to fly by, I can't believe it is already February and that much closer to spring!! Not too much new happening, Grandpa isn't doing so well - they say that his cancer is progressing really fast and that we should all prepare ourselves (could be a week, could be a month - but probably won't be much longer). Dad is also hanging in, he has surgery tomorrow and then will probably be spending a week in the hospital which would be good for him. I have noticed though that he has become more emotional around me which is really hard, my family was never good at sharing our feelings so to hear my Dad cry on the phone is super hard! I think he is mostly upset because he is loosing his Independence more and more, he had to ask me to help to some laundry for him when I was over there last time (which I totally don't mind at all) but it made him upset - I think because it is something that he should be able to do but can no longer manage to climb stairs with a laundry hamper. He is probably also upset about his Dad being sick and how he is the oldest boy and should be the one to look after his Mom but can't?!

On a more happy note .... Jacob is getting cuter everyday!! He repeats way more words then he used too and although a lot of them don't quite sound right they are close. The other day we were leaving swimming lessons and there was a big diesel truck running that Jacob pointed to so I said - "oh, a big loud diesel" and Jacob repeated diesel but it sounded more like "deezeel" - now we need to be more aware of what we are saying cause next thing I know I will have a little two year old cursing in the back seat!! ;) Our bedtime routine has become fairly smooth, if he's really tired he tells me to sit in his bed with him and I read some books then turn off the lights close the door and he goes to sleep. If he isn't that tired but it after 8:30 I tell him it's bedtime, we collect his puppy and blankie take it to bed, close the door and he goes to sleep. He does still wake usually once a night but lately it has been more like early morning, around 5:30am, and only a few times he has gotten out of bed on his own in the middle of the night and I hear little foot steps in the hallway.

He is also much better with going to the gym daycare and usually doesn't cry at all when I drop him off. I am liking that I can spend an hour to take care of myself and still be able to spend time with him at night. Although I haven't been seeing the results I would like to see from sweating my a$$ off! Tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm hoping to see at least a pound loss but I know I have had a few cheats. I don't' know why I keep thinking that it's OK to have a cheat here and there - it's like I keep thinking that I'm on maintenance or I think that it's OK to eat a cookie or two cause I worked out the night before!? I think I need to start a new plan, one that I haven't been on before so that I give it 100% so that I stop myself from thinking that it's OK to have a treat cause last time I was on this diet (NS) it was OK to have a extra snack, cause last time I made it to goal. So today I cancelled my NS shipments, I am going to finish off the food I have (about a month and a half worth of food), then start a new diet! I will still try and loose as much as I can for this last month on NS but then I need to decide if I want to join my friends on their IP diet (which seems to be working well for them but has a strict no fruit, no dairy, no carb rule) or try a new diet that no one I know is on but you are allowed some fruit, dairy and even a starch for breakfast if you want (Medifast/Wonderslim) from all the info I have read on this diet it looks to be like a high protein, low fat diet that you have shakes, protein bars and buy their soups, similar to NS. I have a month to think about it and if my girlfriends end up doing as good as I think they will then I may try the IP diet, I just hate the thought of no fruit and yogurt cause those are like my treats for the day? But if you see the huge numbers then maybe it's worth it to live without those pleasures? I don't really want to be one of those people that "have tried every diet out there" - I just want the one that works!!

Shots, Surgery and good ole' mother nature! :(

Jacob did really good when he got his immunizations, I made hubby hold him cause I knew I was going to have to be the one to deal with Jacob later and I didn't want to be seen as the bad guy! Hubby had to go to a big race that evening and wouldn't be home till early morning. Jacob only cried for a little while and quickly settled down after having three needles. The nurse gave me the 1st degree interrogation - asking what felt like the same questions over and over!? She asked what Jacob was eating and so I did what most mom's do and lied! ;) he he I told her formula and formula only ! Which he isn't, we give him water and sometimes rice cereal. He likes his water and it helps keep him regular, he's not too crazy about the rice cereal yet and I don't find that he sleeps any longer when I do give it to him so it's more just for fun and to get him used to eating cereal. She also asked me how I was feeling and I felt like she was staring at me waiting to see if I would crack under pressure?! Of course she asked about breastfeeding like every other person I run into (which is really starting to bug me ~ everyone asking if I'm breastfeeding .... like it's any of their business? Why does everyone have to ask that question? ?) And I had to take her little postpartum quiz, a silly test about my feelings.

The day after Jacob's shots I had my surgery, after our appointment with the nurse I called to find out what time my operation was going to be at. They told me I had to be at the hospital by 7am and the surgery was scheduled for 9:30am, no eating or drinking after midnight and no nail polish on fingers or toes!! So much for my pedicure!! :( We got to the hospital on time, hubby and Jacob hung out with me for about an hour and then they left. Everything seemed to be running on time, they had trouble getting an IV started (as usual) and said they would just let the "drug doctor" do it in the operating room. I was scared out of my mind and was seriously thinking that maybe I shouldn't bother getting it removed, maybe it would be better to just leave it in? The operation took about an hour and a half to complete and I remember being back in the recovery room by noon. Everything else is pretty much a blur, I remember hubby and Jacob coming up to see me around 2:30 cause he thought I could go home by then but they decided to keep me a little longer (apparently I was really white?). I didn't feel nauseous at all but I could barely keep my eyes open, I only got sick once at the hospital and they finally released me at 5pm. All I could think about in the hospital was what was for supper but as soon as I got home that was the last thing on my mind as I sat on the couch with a pail!! Hubby took pretty good care of me that night, making sure my ice pack was full of ice and my puke bucket was cleaned and emptied. Hubby was busy all weekend with racing so I was pretty much on my own from Friday night on, yesterday was a pretty hard day I was still in pain but the Tylenol 3 makes me sleepy and it's hard to look after Jacob when you're sleepy so I didn't take as many meds as I wanted too - needless to say I was super happy when hubby finally walked in the doors at 6:30pm!! He is gone today too but I don't feel as sore and I told him that I can not do another 10 hour day so he better be home by 4 today?~ We'll see if that happens ?? I feel bad for Jacob and the dog cause I can't take them for their afternoon walk and I can't play with Jacob on floor like I usually do, I tried getting hubby to take them for a walk last night but he said it was too hot (which it was) so instead we went swimming/ visiting at the Grandparents. Jacob really seems to like swimming, I can't wait till I can take him to classes.

So not only did I have to deal with a somewhat cranky baby from getting his shots and then having my surgery the next day but the day after my surgery good ole' mother nature stopped by!! So I'm not sure if the pain in my stomach is from surgery or from cramps? It sucks - I sure didn't miss this when I was pregnant!! So I guess now I am almost back to normal and as soon as I am healed (about 7 to 10 days) I think I might have myself a treat!~! I'm giving myself till my birthday (Sept 14th) to have cheat/ treat days but after my birthday I am going to be 100% serious about dieting/ exercising!! By then I will be 100% healed and Jacob will be 3 months old so we will be able to get involved with exercise classes and I can push myself a little harder. I also joined a mom's group - the first class is not until the 26th of August, I will meet other mom's in my neighborhood and be able to talk to them about issues that might be bugging me or listen to their stories and be able to relate to them, it should be fun!?

Up coming surgery ...

Two more days and three more sleeps till I go for my gall bladder surgery and I must say I'm scared out of my mind!! Not that I would tell anyone else that but I can honestly say that I'm a little freaked out. They say that a lot of women that had attacks while pregnant will never have another attack again (unless they get pregnant again... something about all the hormones in your body?). So if I wanted too I could choose not to have my gall bladder removed and just take the chance, eat fatty foods and hope I don't have an attack or just get it removed and never have to worry about the thing ever again!? I know quite a few ladies that have had theirs removed and say it was the best thing they ever did, but they had the surgery done years ago when the surgeon had to actually open you up and you would stay in the hospital for 3-5 days. Now a days they do the surgery by laproscopic and all I will have are four small wounds and be discharged from the hospital the very same day!!! :o I have no idea what I am going to feel like after and I think that is what scares me the most ..... what if I'm too sore to pick up Jacob when he is crying? or what if I need help out of bed and hubby is working? Will I need him to babysit me? I don't think he is too excited about me going for surgery (not that he really has a choice) but there is a big race the day before my surgery (the same day as Jacob's shots that I'm already making him miss a little of the race to be with me for support) and then the regular races on the weekend. He's not really the sit and home and I'll take care of you type guy, he rarely likes to sit at home on any day. I suppose we will get through it just like anything else we have done but it still sucks and a part of me wishes I didn't have to go!

I must admit that this staying at home bit is starting to get a little boring and yes I know that eventually Jacob will become more active and entertaining but for now he is really kinda boring?! Everyday he has "play time" where he is more active cooing and entertaining - which to me is the best part of the day and I love to see him smile at me, it makes my day! But there is still a good portion of the day where he is sleeping or he is awake and I'm thinking to myself ... now what?! He's been fed, changed, burped, we did a little tummy time and I tickled him till I thought he had enough, I talk to him almost all day and wait patiently for him to coo back to me. But then what? I think I want to get one of those baby carriers that you wear on your chest, I think it's called a Snuggly? Cause the other day I went outside to do some gardening and put him in he stroller thinking that he would be OK with just being outside but I think he thinks that the stroller is suppose to move and if it doesn't move for a while then he cries? Same thing with the car and his baby seat, if we hit too many red lights or are stuck in traffic not moving he screams! It's like he knows if he is in something with wheels it needs to move!! So maybe if I had one of those Snuggly things then I could get stuff done outside (while it's still nice out) cause there is only so many times that I can wash the floors and clean bathrooms in one week! ;)

I'm a little anxious with the weight loss, I really miss the new/ old me, just when I was starting to be comfortable with the new "skinny" me I get fat again. I know it was all for a really good cause and I would do it over in a heart beat. I'm so glad I lost 80lbs before getting pregnant cause if I didn't then I would have to loose soooo much weight now and loosing weight is the hardest thing I have ever had to do!! I'm still stuck at 190, actually I think I have gained a few pounds since then and I'm at 194!!! It pisses me off that instead of loosing I'm gaining and I need to focus more on eating healthy! I wish I could be one of those skinny girls that never has to worry about how many carbs I've eaten today or if it's OK for me to have a treat? I want to be at 170 again and I know before I said "it takes 9 months to gain the weight so take 9 months to get it off" but I'm so impatient, I want it to all fall off effortlessly! Doesn't everyone?! ;) Jacob is almost holding his head up for longer periods so I think when he is at 3 months I will join a mom/ tot swim group or find other groups for mom's that want to exercises and burn the fat! I'm also thinking of joining a mom/baby group that is in my neighborhood (for babies over 6 weeks), it starts Aug 26, goes for 6 weeks and costs $30. It will get me out of the house once a week (and not just to go to WalMart), I will meet other moms (and potential future friends) and I will get to talk about any concerns or questions.

Surgery scheduled

Well I got to leave work early yesterday for my doctor appointment with the surgeon. The appointment went well, the doctor seems really nice, she explained the surgery to me and we scheduled it for August 14th! She figured it would be best if I waited a month after baby was born to have the surgery and honestly I have no idea!? I've never had a kid before, I don't know how I'm going to feel!? So she also let me know that even though it is "day surgery" I will probably be away from baby for most of the day so if I'm breast feeding I will need to prepare for that! There was a 1 in 200 chance that something might happen and she may have to open me up like how they used to remove the gallbladder and if this were too happen I would be spending a few nights in the hospital. If I spend a few days in the hospital and also want my baby there with me she said that I also have to ask someone else to be there too! When ever baby is at the hospital someone has to be responsible for it besides me .. just in case! ? Which makes sense, the nurses aren't paid to be baby sitters! So I get to leave early again today for another doctor appointment, this on is in St.Albert so I have to leave extra early to get there. It should be a fairly fast appt, I don't have many concerns except that I have been experiencing some cramping lately. I'm sure it's probably just braxton hicks or baby making room but they sure are a pain! I didn't sleep so well last night, it was like at 1:30am I just woke up and didn't feel tired anymore!? Like 3 hours of sleep was enough!!??! So I got up and had a glass of milk and tried to fall back asleep, eventually I did.

I still need to do the hospital tour thing and I think pre-register (I'm not sure if my hospital does that or not?), so maybe on my next appointment I will also book a tour?! The basement seems to be going fairly well now, thanks to FIL! It doesn't feel like there is too much left to do down there before we can move furniture around but if I actually wrote down all the things that still need to be done ... there is a lot left too do!! I'm hoping that by mid May we will be working on the baby room!?

Baby is growing!

Woke up this morning to hubby telling me that it looks like my tummy has grown over night!! :o I actually think so too ~ for the last few days I have been feeling like my stomach was stretching and I was more hungry then usual yesterday. I feel like I'm big enough already but I realize that I am bound to get bigger still! I weighed in the other day at 201, so I have officially passed the 200 mark (which I knew I would) and I still weigh less then I did last year before I lost all the weight but I feel bigger then I was before?! I can't even imagine what I would weigh if I was able to eat whatever I wanted and not have to watch my fat intake! I think these gallstones might actually be keeping me somewhat on track! ;) Speaking of gallstones .... I have an appointment with the surgeon at the end of this month, just to get the ball rolling so that hopefully I won't have to wait too long after baby is born to have it removed!? I also have my 28 week doctor appointment next week (on Tuesday), this will be my last appointment on the four week interval ~ after this appointment it will be every two weeks!!! :o I can't believe I'm already at this point in the pregnancy!! On one of the pregnancy forums I visit regularly there are people posting that they have already had their babies - and they are on the June DDC (due date club)!! So I guess anything is possible, ideally we want to keep baby baking for at least another 10 weeks but I guess you just never know!? And plus we still don't have any names picked out so if we don't think about that soon we will end up calling it "Baby" forever!!!! ;)

~~ MIA ~~

I know I've been away for awhile, so this may be a long post - I guess I will start with the good news....

Last weekend hubby went up north to get fire wood so me and his mom went shopping, it was a good day and we found lots of things I liked. However I didn't want to purchase anything until my hubby saw them and also agreed they were nice. So the only thing we purchased that day was fabric for the diapers and my MIL bought a "bouncy chair" for the baby, it is the jungle themed one with a waterfall for baby to look at (very cute). So on Sunday I took my hubby back to all the stores that we had went to and showed him what I wanted to purchase, of course he agreed and we ended up getting a bunch of stuff at Sears. We bought the stroller - a four wheeler one that was super easy to collapse and also fairly light weight, a booster chair that reclines so you can feed baby (instead of having a high chair), a change table pad, some receiving blankets and washcloths, a teddy bear, hairbrush and nail clipper set and a baby monitor with a motion detector - so if baby stops breathing it will sound an alarm. It was kinda like a starter kit they had put together and if you bought it all as one you saved $100!

Sunday night is when all the bad stuff happened -- after dinner I started having stomach pains, high up in my diaphragm area - it almost felt like there was an elastic band wrapped very tightly bellow my boobs. So I figured it was indigestion or gas and took a bath to try and relax but after my bath the feeling was still there and it started to get worse. I felt like I was too hot, hubby thought I had my bath too hot but I don't think t was any different then before. Hubby finally went out and started the car, we were on our way to emergency! Luckily we do live fairly close to a hospital so it didn't take long to get there and the waiting room was empty so we got in fast. I think they thought was having a heart attach cause they hooked me up to oxygen and got out a ECG (?) machine to see what my heart was doing. By now I had broken out into a cold clammy sweat and could not get comfy for the life of me. think it was the nurse's first day cause she had a hard time working the ECG machine thing and she couldn't get an IV in. My hand is all bruised where she poked me 5 times! She also had a hard time knowing what to look for when listening for the babies heart beat, she had it and it was nice and loud but she kept saying "oh that's not it" ! ? WTF ? They put some morphine and gravol in me and we waited a few more hours till I started feeling better then they told me I could leave, by now it was 1:30am ! Needless to say I called in sick the next day but the misery didn't stop there!

Monday seemed to be going good, I had no pain .... till after lunch! All I had was vegetable soup but about an hour after I ate it the pain had come back, I called my hubby at work to tell him the pain was back and he told me to either all his mom to come get me or just head to Emergency again. So I drove myself there (I figured it would be faster) - I kinda pushed my way to the front of the line cause they were really busy and I was able to get in right away. They took blood tests and asked if I wanted more morphine but I refused, the pan had seemed to not be as bad as when I first got there. After waiting about 3 hours they finally took me for an ultrasound to see if I had GALLSTONES, sure enough there they were - looked like lots to me!? The only good part was that I got to see a sneak peak of baby!! It was so cute, I could see the little heart beating away and she said everything looked good with baby so that made me happy. Then about 3 hours later they told me that they were going to admit me!! And they were considering surgery!! Which I guess is apparently safest in the 2nd trimester but there is still risk of loosing the baby. Finally at 1:30am I got my room, on the surgical ward so I was still unsure if they were considering that as an option!? I was on a "sipping liquids" only diet for the first 2 days, I ended up having a mild cause of jondous (sp?) cause my liver was inflamed but that cleared up and I was finally able to have food again on Thursday! They decided not to give me surgery and to just pump me full of antibiotics and IV but as soon as I have this baby I will have to get my gallbladder removed!

While I was in there I had lots of visitors, which was nice - the days went by faster. My girlfriends brought me this book to read "Belly Laughs", which I have heard good things about and was super excited to read, so after everyone left that night I read the whole book! It was great, so funny and just quick short reads so if you wanted to put it down you could ... but I couldn't!

So now I am on a strict Fat Free diet! So much for being able to eat what ever I wanted to cause I'm going to get fat anyway!! :( I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday with my regular doctor and then I will probably be going back to work on Wed (depending on what she says). We also have our ultrasound scheduled for Friday so maybe they can see if I might have 'passed' the stones cause that would get rid of a lot of my worry! I'm just so scared to eat, I mean I had an attack off of Fat Free Vegetable soup so it makes me think that it could happen at any time ... Fat Free or not! ? I now take my time eating meals and what would once take me only a half hour to eat now takes over an hour cause I'm so scared of feeling that pain again! Now I just have to deal with this for another 21 weeks (or so) and then after baby is born I will have the surgery to remove my Gallbladder! That should be fun .... dealing with a newborn, had just given birth and I have to recover from surgery!! ! :( Have I mentioned how much I hate being pregnant lately!? This better be a healthy baby!! ;)