Below I have posted a pic of me - it's not the most flattering pic but definitely the most recent. I don't think I look bad but I do still see a muffin top that I would like to get rid of and I think I need to exercise more to help tone up!? But you aren't suppose to exercise on IP, so maybe I might have to do an alternative plan or find a new plan? I just like how fast IP is, I just don't know if I can be committed to it again? It's like a love hate relationship!? LOL
Things have been awfully stressful lately, as most of you know the doctors have decided to stop chemo treatments for my Dad so we have all expected things to turn for the worse but as of yet he seems to be good but now we are being more open about the situation and Dad is talking to us about his DNR and where we can find his will. Things that are hard to talk about but I suppose we need to know. Even though I'm almost certain that when the time comes for him I will be a total scatter brain and not be thinking about wills and stuff. So, I'm slightly stressed or more so worried about my Dad and how he will be over the next few weeks/ months. Then hubbies Grandma (whom he is very close to) had a operation for a stomach aneurysm and is having lots of complications cause a bunch of stress on my MIL - as she is the one that seems to take care of everyone. Then on Friday I got a call from my Mom saying she was admitted to the hospital, although she had to spend the four days in the ER cause there were no beds! She hasn't been feeling well for a while and truly is a mystery case for the doctors. They have done tons of tests and still can't figure out what is wrong, last time I was there the nurse said something about kidney failure!?!? It just seems like everyone is getting sick all at the same time and in just a few short months everything will probably change. Although I am surprised of all the people I thought would be sick he is doing the best!?
I posted a video of Jacob with one of his birthday toys that he absolutely loves!! He really likes his trains right now and this was the perfect gift for him!! If our house was a little bigger I would leave it up all the time but it's fairly big. I love hearing Jacob say "Hi, Mommy" - it's just cute.
Jacob and I went to the zoo on the weekend and spent four hours walking around, it was so nice out and the animals were all out having lunch. I took a bunch of pics and will try to post a few tomorrow. It was a great day ... until I got home - then I needed a hot bath and glass of wine to wind down before hubby went out for the evening.
Above is a picture of me and my Dad in 2005 on the day of my wedding, it was a great day, a day I will forever remember. Dads surgery apparently went very well, he is awake and aware of where he is, not "out of it" like we all thought he would be. He is refusing pain meds, which doesn't surprise me, he is a very stubborn man that never really complained about aches and pains. He wants me to come see him this week but I'm not sure I can fit it in, it's just so hard since he is about an hour away and with Jacob it makes it hard to bring him with me just for a short visit and then another hour drive home!? We will definitely be seeing him on Saturday and I will try to get up to see him on Friday night. I'm very happy the surgery went well, it was nice to finally hear some good news.
This morning I heard some very bad news, my "Big Sister" from a youth group I belonged to for many years passed away on Tuesday. It was very unexpected, they need to do a autopsy, all I've been told is that she had a bladder infection, went to the hospital cause she didn't feel good, had a seizure and passed away. It was so quick that I don't even think her Mom was able to be with her in those last minutes. February is going to be a very sad month I'm afraid!
I went to the gym last night and had a fairly good work out. There is a new class for the sprint circuit that I enjoy, it gives variety of machines and cardio. I didn't have time to do the whole class cause I wanted to get Jacob home by 8pm and even if I wanted to do the whole class it wouldn't have mattered ... I got interrupted. One of the ladies that works in the day care came and got me out of the class, she said that Jacob didn't look good that his eyes were all puffy and red, that he looked really flushed and wouldn't stop crying!? So I go upstairs to get him and he looks absolutely fine!!? I notice he is one of the last kids there and mention something about how he is all alone but his eyes looked fine, no redness or puffiness!? So I take him and he head out. As I was putting my boots on I noticed that there was another mother with her little girl that was also up there so I asked her if they called her to get her child too and she said no, she works in the day care. So this leads me to think that they just called me up there to pick up Jacob so that they could go home early since Jacob was the last paying kid in there!? I'm a little ticked about it, hubby says I should phone and complain. Other then that, things are going good with going to the gym, Jacob playing in the day care while I work out and then we head home for a little play time and book reading before bedtime!!
Below is a picture of my Grandpa (my Dads Dad) that is also very sick right now, it was also taken on my wedding day. I went to see my Grandpa on Tuesday night and things don't look so good, he is now in palliative care, I don't even think he knew I was there to visit him (he seemed so out of it). It was so hard to hold back my tears, all the stress and sickness is starting to get to me.
January seemed to fly by, I can't believe it is already February and that much closer to spring!! Not too much new happening, Grandpa isn't doing so well - they say that his cancer is progressing really fast and that we should all prepare ourselves (could be a week, could be a month - but probably won't be much longer). Dad is also hanging in, he has surgery tomorrow and then will probably be spending a week in the hospital which would be good for him. I have noticed though that he has become more emotional around me which is really hard, my family was never good at sharing our feelings so to hear my Dad cry on the phone is super hard! I think he is mostly upset because he is loosing his Independence more and more, he had to ask me to help to some laundry for him when I was over there last time (which I totally don't mind at all) but it made him upset - I think because it is something that he should be able to do but can no longer manage to climb stairs with a laundry hamper. He is probably also upset about his Dad being sick and how he is the oldest boy and should be the one to look after his Mom but can't?!
On a more happy note .... Jacob is getting cuter everyday!! He repeats way more words then he used too and although a lot of them don't quite sound right they are close. The other day we were leaving swimming lessons and there was a big diesel truck running that Jacob pointed to so I said - "oh, a big loud diesel" and Jacob repeated diesel but it sounded more like "deezeel" - now we need to be more aware of what we are saying cause next thing I know I will have a little two year old cursing in the back seat!! ;) Our bedtime routine has become fairly smooth, if he's really tired he tells me to sit in his bed with him and I read some books then turn off the lights close the door and he goes to sleep. If he isn't that tired but it after 8:30 I tell him it's bedtime, we collect his puppy and blankie take it to bed, close the door and he goes to sleep. He does still wake usually once a night but lately it has been more like early morning, around 5:30am, and only a few times he has gotten out of bed on his own in the middle of the night and I hear little foot steps in the hallway.
He is also much better with going to the gym daycare and usually doesn't cry at all when I drop him off. I am liking that I can spend an hour to take care of myself and still be able to spend time with him at night. Although I haven't been seeing the results I would like to see from sweating my a$$ off! Tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm hoping to see at least a pound loss but I know I have had a few cheats. I don't' know why I keep thinking that it's OK to have a cheat here and there - it's like I keep thinking that I'm on maintenance or I think that it's OK to eat a cookie or two cause I worked out the night before!? I think I need to start a new plan, one that I haven't been on before so that I give it 100% so that I stop myself from thinking that it's OK to have a treat cause last time I was on this diet (NS) it was OK to have a extra snack, cause last time I made it to goal. So today I cancelled my NS shipments, I am going to finish off the food I have (about a month and a half worth of food), then start a new diet! I will still try and loose as much as I can for this last month on NS but then I need to decide if I want to join my friends on their IP diet (which seems to be working well for them but has a strict no fruit, no dairy, no carb rule) or try a new diet that no one I know is on but you are allowed some fruit, dairy and even a starch for breakfast if you want (Medifast/Wonderslim) from all the info I have read on this diet it looks to be like a high protein, low fat diet that you have shakes, protein bars and buy their soups, similar to NS. I have a month to think about it and if my girlfriends end up doing as good as I think they will then I may try the IP diet, I just hate the thought of no fruit and yogurt cause those are like my treats for the day? But if you see the huge numbers then maybe it's worth it to live without those pleasures? I don't really want to be one of those people that "have tried every diet out there" - I just want the one that works!!
Everyday I find that my love grows for him and although some days are terribly frustrating lately I have been seeing all the positives. He is such a little smarty pants but maybe I'm just by ass? He seems to learn things that I don't feel like we taught him but he watches and learns then shows us what he knows. He now has to have bubbles in his bath every night and wants to be the one to put them in, and will put the bottle back after we are finished. He is becoming such a little boy, it just amazes me at how far he has come and yet has so much more to learn!
We spent the night last night in the ER, Jacob has been sick for a few days and his cough sounded really bad so we took him in. It is frustrating that they make kids and babies wait so long in emergency, you would think they would try to get them out fast. There was one little girl there that had a broken collar bone and had been there for 3 hours, waiting to see a doctor!! We were there for 2 hours and Jacob was getting quite restless by the end of that! Turns out to be just a viral infection but there was no harm in getting him checked out, he should start feeling better soon~?
Sleep has not been on my list of things to do lately, with Jacob being sick the nights are even longer then before BUT on a plus note he went the entire night without having milk, we just gave him water and he seemed to be OK with that!? We tried to do it again last night but he wanted his milk, we will keep trying to swap out that night bottle of milk with water and hopefully he just wont wake anymore!? Plus with him being sick he has a hard time sleeping on his back so we tried putting a pillow in his crib to elevate his head but we end up sleeping with him on the couch for a bit or bringing him into our bed.
I feel like everyone around me is sick lately, everything from a simple cold to terminal cancer! It's mentally exhausting and you mix that in with being physically exhausted and you end up with an emotional basket case! Ready to snap at the smallest thing! I almost snapped on my hubby when I found out he cancelled my pvr recording for Biggest Loser and we watched Hell's Kitchen instead!! But then I realized it's just a TV show and that maybe I could watch the episode on the net? The new guy at work is so funny and makes me laugh almost everyday, like a hard belly laugh and I have to catch my breath. The only problem with this is that since I am on the verge of snapping I tend to cry when I laugh hard and it feels good but it's like a window opening that could be a disaster at work. It's just hard right now to be strong and stay strong, I feel like my brother isn't doing his part and I'm sure he feels like he is doing everything!? I want to do more for my Dad but it's hard when you have young children and live so far away!? I might just have to take a week to help Dad out, he has been talking about selling his house but personally I think it should get a little TLC before listing. He just wants to list it "as is" and will probably loose out on thousands of dollars just cause he doesn't want to spend a few hundred.
Anyway .... here is a pick of the finished bean bag and Jacob enjoying a snack on it.
Yesterday after work I had to stop by my Dads work to pick up his coffee mug and some other personal things. The place he works at is family run business and they were the ones that pretty much told him to take a few days off and go to a doctor so of course when I went in they wanted to know how he was and if we knew anything. I asked what my Dad had told them and of course he hasn't said much to them, that's just the way my Dad is. I didn't think it would be so hard for me to talk about but I told them that the doctors think it's cancer and that Dad probably won't be back to work for awhile (like a year!?). I felt like this is something they should know and they also need to start getting the paperwork ready for long term disability plus they might have to hire a temp to fill the spot till Dad comes back. Of course everyone there was very concerned about my Dad and I'm grate full that they made him take care of things. They were surprised that no one in the family knew anything was wrong but again this is how my Dad operates, you ask how he is and every time he says good or not bad. This however made me sad that my Dads co-workers knew more about my Father then I did!? How could I have no idea that he was sick? I feel guilty for not seeing it and bad for not visiting him more often. I guess I was so wrapped up in my life that I just never saw it? And now I'm mad at my brother cause he only lives 10 blocks away, why can't he check on Dad more often? Why can't he be the big brother he is suppose to be and look after our family? I feel like it's up to me to take care of my parents, my family, my home and somewhere in there take care of myself!?
On the diet front I have been doing OK, Monday after supper I took Jacob for a walk and although it was really hard to get going we did it, Tuesday was grocery shopping day so I barely even got to see Jacob and then last night we went for a walk again but this time we stopped at the park to let Jacob play with some kids. I think he is missing the interaction with other kids, he gets so excited when he sees other toddlers, I wish hubby would take him out more but the weather has been crappy lately? I also find it hard to believe that hubby is having such a easy time with everything, everyday I ask how it went and he says good, I ask if Jacob napped and he says yes - twice! A morning hour nap and afternoon two hour nap!? WTF!? I had a hard time getting him to nap once on most days how does he do it? When I ask that hubby just says he tuckers Jacob out by playing with him!? Now is he insinuating that I never played with Jacob? Cause I did and we went out almost everyday to get fresh air!? I wish he was having a hard time with it just so I would know that it wasn't me, that I'm not a horrible mother that can't seem to get her kid to nap.
I'm shopping for a new computer, soon. But there are so many choices, desktop or laptop and what do I want it to do, how many GB/ MB? I'm still waiting for hubby to get my photos off the old computer and hopefully he gets that done soon! I'm not sure what he does while Jacob naps all day but I don't want to ask. So far he has helped out a bit with house work, Mondays is vacuuming day and dishes are usually always done by the time I get home. He tries to stay on top of garbage duty but that has always been his job. I really need to get my bathroom washed and I have weeds in my flower beds that are taller then the flowers!!! This weekend I'm taking Jacob to the zoo for the first time, I'm pretty excited and hopefully the weather co-operates!
So all my weekend plans were thrown out the window at 4:05pm Friday!! It was almost quiting time and I started to feel kinda funny, almost like you would on Christmas day after you ate way too much turkey!? I started sweating like crazy and then I knew ..... I was having another attack! I told my boss as I was dripping in sweat, called my hubby to come get me cause there was no way I was driving and waited for him to get to my work. He actually made it here pretty quick considering it was rush hour, normally it is about a 20 minute drive and he got here in about 12! We went straight to the hospital which is another half hour away, so by the time I got there I had been having the attack for an hour. I blame the attack on popcorn, Fridays at work they make theatre style popcorn and I think I had too much!? Since I am further then 20 weeks the emergency nurses didn't even bother examining me and called for a porter to get me to the maternity ward. All I wanted was a shot of morphin and graval to help with the pain!? I ended up getting admitted because my white blood cells and liver enzymes were high. I felt better after being in there a day and figured I would be able to go home by Sunday but they wanted to see how food sat in my stomach and kept me there till Monday. I don't think this attack was as bad as my first one cause I feel good today and I'm back at work. The doctors gave me a prescription this time for some antibiotics that leave a funny taste in my mouth (apparently one of the side affects). I think I started ignoring the fact that I'm 'sick' and need to watch my diet, I was feeling good and kept pushing my limits with the fat intake. I thought that since it was OK to eat 8g of fat then I pushed it too 12g, I guess now I have to pay more attention to the diet and stay below 8g. I also think that when I over eat it reacts with my gallbladder and might cause an attack so ... less fat ... smaller meals is what is in store for me for the next 16 weeks! The doctors even said that I will probably have another attack before baby is born, sometimes it doesn't matter how close you watch your diet!? :(
On the plus side ... I got to hear the babies heart beat everyday from nurses that knew what they were looking for and not surgical nurses that didn't even know how to find the heart beat! And I got another ultrasound (no pics ~ but a sneak peak at baby), this time the technician asked me if I knew what the sex was and I told him that we didn't ask last time but I think I know because of the last sneak peak I had at the hospital. He asked me what I thought and told me what the right answer was .... I didn't expect him to confirm the sex but he did so now I have to try and keep it a secret from my family! I think I can, it's fun to not know and have people guess. So I just have to make sure that every once and awhile I refer to baby as he or she to keep people on their toes guessing!! ;)
Yesterday after I got home I really wanted a nice warm bath, so after that I did some laundry and felt bad for hubby so I made him some chocolate chip cookies. He has been really good through all this hospital crap, making sure the house is clean and helping whenever I ask. I feel like he has been working really hard at trying to get the basement finished and doing other jobs to make money for us! He's been very busy and I feel like my sickness maybe adds a little more un-needed stress to his life!? Chocolate cookies is the least I could do! ;) I also made a veggie casserole for my lunches and took the dog for a walk to get milk. I copied down the recipe for Turkey Soft Tacos but I think this post is getting a little long so I will post that recipe tomorrow.
Just when I was begining to think I was in the clear I got a phone call yesterday. From my doctors office, I thought they were suppost to phone by last Friday but I guess the lab took longer then they expected!? So yes - it turns out that I do have an issue that needs to be taken care of, so after work yesterday I had to stop at the drug store and pick up some Canesten (something I have never used before!)? I wouldn't say that it was comfortable but I figured it out and it wasn't as bad as I thought!? So I have have treatment for 3 days and then all should be good?! 
This week feels like it is going by so slow! I wish it was Friday already!? Here is a pic of the diaper pail I want to get from the welcome wagon show. It has a spot in the lid for a "citrus puck" (air freshener) and it snaps down with one hand. I checked out the companies website and it is only $29.95 - not bad! ? It looks like it would hold way more diapers then I would ever need it to, I just like the air freshener lid! ;) The pucks that go in the lid are only $2.00 each and supposidly last up to 3-4 weeks but the lady at the show said that you can go buy your own sented oil and add drops to a old puck so it can be reused. I also want to call the UC Baby place to see how early you need to book them, I think we will get one of their packages! It looks like so much fun! And I got a $20 off coupon from the show, so that almost pays for the heartbeat bear! ;)
I caught a cold (probably from the hospital -- that place is a germ haven!), it's just in my nose so it's not too bad - no sore throat or acky muscles, hopefully it stays that way! I'd way rather deal with a snotty nose then the pain of gallstones!
Tomorrow is our babies first picture day ~~ ! he he I'm so excited, I can't wait to see what 'cub' looks like. Even though I did get a sneak peak at the hospital, I was by myself and kinda drugged up so I think it will be a little more special this time with hubby there!! And we are getting a 3D one too so that should be neat, hopefully the baby doesn't look all funny in it! ? ;) I'll make sure to scan them and post them here, maybe I will also post some pics of my bump!?
So after I got home from the hospital I weighed myself to see if and how much 
weight I had lost. I figure I was around 191/ 192 when I got admitted and when I got home I weighed in at 187! So I had lost about 4lbs, no big deal - after all I was on a sipping fluids only diet (I wasn't even allowed Jell-O). And then I had my doctors appointment on Tuesday (4 days after I had got home) so I decided to weigh myself again, this time it said 183! WOW - that's another 4lbs, I'm still not too concerned cause I did gain quiet a bit over the Christmas holidays. I mentioned it to my doctor when I was there and she seemed a little concerned but not overly. I have my regular appointment with her next week on the 4th so I will get weighed and if I have lost more weight then I'm not too sure what will happen!? So this morning I weighed in again and I'm down another pound at 182!! Hopefully I will stop loosing weight, I eat all the time and even though I'm scared to eat I still can't go longer then an hour or two without eatting so it's not like I'm loosing weight cause I'm not eatting?
themed one with a waterfall for baby to look at (very cute). So on Sunday I took my hubby back to all the stores that we had went to and showed him what I wanted to purchase, of course he agreed and we ended up getting a bunch of stuff at Sears. We bought the stroller - a four wheeler one that was super easy to collapse and also fairly light weight, a booster chair that reclines so you can feed baby (instead of having a high chair), a change table pad, some receiving blankets and washcloths, a teddy bear, hairbrush and nail clipper set and a baby monitor with a motion detector - so if baby stops breathing it will sound an alarm. It was kinda like a starter kit they had put together and if you bought it all as one you saved $100!
Sunday night is when all the bad stuff happened -- after dinner I started having stomach pains, high up in my diaphragm area - it almost felt like there was an elastic band wrapped very tightly bellow my boobs. So I figured it was indigestion or gas and took a bath to try and relax but after my bath the feeling was still there and it started to get worse. I felt like I was too hot, hubby thought I had my bath too hot but I don't think t was any different then before. Hubby finally went out and started the car, we were on our way to emergency! Luckily we do live fairly close to a hospital so it didn't take long to get there and the waiting room was empty so we got in fast. I think they thought was having a heart attach cause they hooked me up to oxygen and got out a ECG (?) machine to see what my heart was doing. By now I had broken out into a cold clammy sweat and could not get comfy for the life of me. think it was the nurse's first day cause she had a hard time working the ECG machine thing and she couldn't get an IV in. My hand is all bruised where she poked me 5 times! She also had a hard time knowing what to look for when listening for the babies heart beat, she had it and it was nice and loud but she kept saying "oh that's not it" ! ? WTF ? They put some morphine and gravol in me and we waited a few more hours till I started feeling better then they told me I could leave, by now it was 1:30am ! Needless to say I called in sick the next day but the misery didn't stop there!
things about and was super excited to read, so after everyone left that night I read the whole book! It was great, so funny and just quick short reads so if you wanted to put it down you could ... but I couldn't!
