21 Months ...

WOW - 21 Months old already!! Only 3 more months till my 'baby' turns 2!!! And lately Jacob has been miserable!!! It's so frustrating for me when he is cranky or whinny and I have absolutely no idea why!? I'm sure it's probably from teething or lack of sleep but how do you explain to a 21 month old that it's OK ... things will be OK ... if you just go to sleep!!! :(

So things that are different this month:

-- Jacobs vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds!! Even the ladies at the gym daycare have commented to me that he is more chatty.

-- Most of the things Jacob says are just one word, not too many sentences or word combos except for "I do it" or "I get it". Everything else is still just one word like: up, down, no, more, mine, mommy, daddy, house, help, puppy, woof woof, meow, uh oh, blue, ball, bus, choo choo.

-- He tries to pull his pants up now and he can zip his jacket up (with a little help).

-- He knows most of his body parts and can count to 3.

-- He seems to really like trains, puppies and books right now.

-- His eating is sometimes great and sometimes nothing at all.

-- His sleeping is getting better, there are more nights he sleeps through then before so hopefully soon he wont wake up at all?

-- PJ's with feet seem to be a issue right now ... I think his feet get too hot?

-- He still has the bottle, more then I'd like to admit! But at supper time now he gets milk in a cup and is doing very well with it.

-- He is definitely testing his limits with us (especially me) and will have a fit when I try to help him or make him do something.

This past week was very draining on me, it was like he hated me! Just everything seemed to be a challenge, lots of whining ... lots of crying! This morning he grabbed a banana and we asked if he wanted one, he acted like he did cause when we tried to put it back he had a fit so we sit down open the banana and hand it to him. He in turn runs away screaming! We figure it's cause he wants me to help him so hubby hands me the banana and I try to give it to Jacob he says "no ... mommy" and points to me. So guess what I had for breakfast!? He just wanted me to have the banana, he never wanted one. This is a small example of what my days have been like. I just can't wait till I can ask him and have him tell me that he wants me to have a banana and I can tell him no thank-you ... I really don't want a banana for breakfast!!! :(

It's almost Friday and I'm sad to say that I'm not really looking forward to it! Weekends are hard enough never mind when he is cranky and fussy! I am usually so happy when Monday roles around that I get to go to work. I think it might be a little different if I didn't feel like I had to take Jacob with me everywhere on weekends. Maybe if my hubby would take Jacob with him too where ever he has to go and I could stay home to get stuff done instead of running around visiting family and hauling Jacob in and out of the car, then I would look forward to weekends!? Maybe soon, Jacob will be able to express how he wants to spend the day with Daddy in the garage or if he wants to come with Mommy visiting, then it will be his choice and hopefully he will be happy with his choice? As much as I hate to see him grow up and as much as I miss the baby blob days I can't wait for the day he can calmly tell us what he wants!!

Worst Mom of the year award!!! :(

So - I think I'll start out with my weekend update first ... then save the "worst Mom ever" story for the end.

The weekend was great!! I decided to take a little R&R time for myself and told hubby I was going to a scrapbook retreat thing ALL day Saturday. It was great to be around other women and get some scrapping done!! I probably didn't get as much done as I hoped for but it was a nice get away and although I terribly missed Jacob and wondered what he was doing all day with Dad it was great to have the girl time with my long lost friends!! The scrapbook retreat was in St.Albert (the same city as my Dad and brother) so I decided to stop by my Dads and see how he was and if he needed anything on Saturday. We had a short visit and I went shopping then I off to scrap for 10 hours!!

I went back on Sunday to finish off some scrapping and collect my things. They also had door prizes and raffles that I wanted to see if I won any. I dropped Jacob off at my brothers while I did this for a few hours, Jacob had fun playing with his cousin that he rarely gets to see and on our way home I stopped back at my Dads so he could have a quick visit with Jacob.

Now for the worst Mom of the year story .....

When I got home with Jacob we had supper, everything was great, he was playing nice after supper so I decided to get some laundry done and started to strip his bed to wash his sheets. So first I have to say that Jacob seems to like a soft bed so on his crib we had a fitted sheet on the mattress, then we folded a double size comforter to make it a little softer, then a fuzzy sheet and on top of that was another twin size fuzzy blanket. I know it sounds like a lot but he likes to cuddle with his blankets. Soooo .... anyway - I start striping his bed and when I took the comforter off and was just about to take the fitted sheet off the mattress there was a 6 inch circle of MOLD!!! I'm mortified!! I felt so sick at that moment for a few reasons, first ... how could a mother let her child sleep in a bed with mold on it and second how could this happen? Have I neglected my child!?!? I feel like I have been spending so much time on trying to be the good daughter that my own family/ house is being neglected!! I NEED to start putting my family first and put my needs first!

So at 7pm on Sunday night my hubby threw the mattress outside cause it didn't seem to look clean enough to me and started taking the crib apart while I cleaned the room making space for a different bed. Our first thought was to put the playpen up in his room and he could sleep in that till we figured out what to do but I didn't think he would sleep very well in it, even though he does sleep in the playpen at Grandmas all the time. So instead I suggest that we bring up the mattress from the spare bed in the basement, a double. We set it all up on the floor and Jacob LOVES it!! I was amazed also that he went to bed very easy and he slept pretty good that night too (last night was the same). So last night we went shopping and bought the bed we wanted for him, it's only a twin instead of the double but his room is quite small so a twin should be big enough. It doesn't arrive till February though so in the mean time Jacob will use the double mattress on the floor. Below is a picture of his new "big boy bed", I wanted to get a bunk bed so that he can have sleepovers (since most of his friends and cousins live so far away) and we can use the upper bunk for all his stuffies. I also like that it has stairs instead of a ladder. Jacob saw it at the store and he also seemed to like it.

I suppose the only good thing is that it looked like the mold was coming up from the mattress and the worst of it was on the underside of the fitted sheet so the top blankets were clean and hopefully there was enough blankets that he couldn't breath in the mold molecules!? I think the mold started because we had a vaporizer in his room that was pumping out the moisture like crazy, I noticed his room started feeling damp so we stopped using the humidifier thing. But I guess it was too late? I keep kicking myself in the butt thinking, how could I have not caught this sooner? How could I subject my child to a very bad sleeping condition! I feel awful, maybe I should have stayed home that weekend and took care of my family and my house!? It's so hard to try and be there for everyone, you tend too push your needs as a Mother away to take care of everyone/ everything else. I need to re-prioritize my list! Sh*t I can't even remember the last time I had a bath too relax and shave !!

affair ....

Dear Sweets,

You have been there when I needed you the most, through the emotional, stressful and lonely times. You have cheered me up by just being there and letting me hold you. But it needs to end! I want to be with coffee more, he doesn't hurt me the ways you do by adding pounds of frustration and self hatred. I need to spend more time with things that will help me reach my goals and even though you were a good listener I need someone that will help me reach my goals. The affair was great while it lasted but I need to get back to what I once was .... a size 10!!!

Yup, I weighed in today, just for sh*ts and giggles and there was neither of those happening! I'm so mad at myself and I'm starting to get discouraged! I've gained almost all the weight I lost and I blame chocolate, I can feel the extra weight when I walk, the way my clothes fit, it just seriously pisses me off!! Why can't it be easier! ? My hubby knows there is something bugging me and asks but I don't tell him I'm mad at myself for eating crap and getting fat! I'm sure he's sick of hearing me say it and he never really offers any advice anyway. He just gives me a look like "well, if you don't like it then do something about it" which just makes me feel guilty and bad cause I just can't seem to figure out how!

Time management is harder then I thought now that I am back at work and have Jacob in the evenings. I NEED to start going for evening walks but now that Jacob is older I'm not sure if he will even sit for that long in the stroller? He will want to walk too but if I go his pace I won't even get my heart rate up. I'm all out of fruits and veggies and normally I would just take Jacob to the store and pick some up but when I don't get home till 5ish, make dinner and then depending on Jacob either give him a bath and he's ready for bed or I could manage to either go for a walk or go shopping after supper but not both (as long as he had a nap that day). I'm sure it will get easier and one of the guys at work here suggested that maybe I go for morning walks instead which actually isn't a bad idea. I could go by myself, sort out my thoughts, not worry about baby, come home and have a shower. Then the evenings would still be "our" time to have fun with Jacob. I also NEED to get rid of the chocolate almond boxes that are for sale in front of me, tempting me all day!! Next week I will stay a little late after work and move my computer to the other side of the counter and put the chocolates at the other end!

So besides being slightly depressed about my weight which I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about! I'm doing OK, I really enjoy having the break from Jacob during the day and can't wait till he is old enough to tell me what he has done all day without me. I love seeing his face light up when he sees me and the way he gives me a snuggle after a long day at work. This weekend I have so much to do, I have to do everything that I normally would do during the week (like clean the bathrooms, floors and vacuum), I also need to go to the photo place to order our pics I want and thank you cards, I should also go to the grocery store and pick up fruits and veggies (cause I don't think I'll have time tonight or tomorrow), I need to return/ exchange some gifts Jacob got (mostly clothes but they are at 4 different stores) and I really should go visiting family. I wish I could work part time but my job doesn't really offer that, then I could get the stuff done that hubby can't seem to figure out!? Like going to the grocery store for fruit or doing laundry!

5 months old!

5 months already! I can hardly believe it has gone by so fast, Jacob has changed a lot since the day we brought him home and yet some things are still the same. The way he stretches when he is waking up is still the same as the day we brought him home, he is still a snacker and only eats 4oz but every hour or two. He still has 2-3 naps a day but they are a little shorter then before (only lasting about 30min). He is becoming quite the little character, I love going into his room in the morning and seeing his excitement to see someone, he throws his hands in the air and kicks his feet - it's so cute and makes me feel like he loves me! He is sitting up much better now and we are still working on the rolling over. He arches his back when he is laying down so I think we are pretty close to making some movement!

We got him weighed on Friday and he is now 19lbs 13oz, 25 1/2" long ! I was hoping to clean out my car this weekend and get his new car seat in but I was too tired and I caught my hubbies cold. Jacob still hasn't caught it yet and I'm hoping he doesn't or if he does that it is after Wed cause that is picture day!

We have our last swim class on Tuesday, which I'm kinda sad about - once again just as I was getting to know the other moms the class is over! Wednesday is family picture day, Thursday I am going to go visit my Mom and today we have lunch with the moms from my mom group. Today is my niece's birthday, I bought a card for her but haven't mailed it yet so I will mail it today but she still probably won't get it till Wed?

Our pot luck party went well, some people stayed really late (3am) which made the next day really hard but hubby has been overly eager to do things for me - it's kinda freaking me out!? On Sunday after the party I went downstairs to try and clean up and he kicked me out saying he would clean up, he did the dishes and vacuumed! All night he was jumping every time I needed something, and this morning was kinda the same he woke up and emptied the dishwasher, washed the dishes and asked if he could do anything else?! I'm kinda thinking that he is only doing it cause he feels guilty and doesn't want the guilt talk and I do enjoy all the help but he doesn't seem very happy?

Anyway - I posted a pic of Jacob and his Grandpa, it was from this weekend and I thought it was super cute! You can almost see the love in his Grandpa's face!

15 days ... give or take! ?

So things have been going fairly well lately, it sure doesn't take much to piss me off lately or make me grumpy!! I remember in the beginning of this pregnancy everyone was talking about how people feel the need to invade your space and feel your belly!? Of course without asking first - you would just be talking away and next thing you know there is some strangers hand on your belly. I feel I have been fortunate in this aspect and have not in countered too many belly touchers!? Instead I get the stares, you would think that by now I would be used to people staring at me but it is different this time. Before people would stare cause I was over weight and they would whisper, it bothered me and was probably one of the reasons why I decided to loose the weight. Then when I was thinner and lost 80lbs, people stared again but this time they would let me know what they thought or ask questions (instead of whispering) - I suppose this was better but after awhile I did get tired of the looks even though they were good looks. And now people stare and compare, some will mention how "I look bigger then the last time they saw me" or compare my belly to a friend, tell me I'm "huge" or say I'm "small". I can feel their eyes go from my face to my feet, giving me the once over and then make their comment. I hate it - and even though I did it in baby class and wanted to compare my belly to other bellies it still makes me feel awkward. But I also believe it is different for two pregnant ladies to stare and compare then a perfect stranger telling me how I look (like I don't already know?).

I am also surprised that I really haven't had any strong cravings in this pregnancy. Once and awhile I would go on a certain kick - like slurpies one month then toast with peanut butter the next month. It seemed like my cravings would change by the hour, I'd see a commercial for a burger and would want one, then I would see a popcorn ad and would think that was a great idea too!! ;) But I didn't really crave one thing that I had to send dear hubby out in the middle of the night for, nothing that I would dream about and cry over if I couldn't have it!?

I still have not experienced this "nesting" thing, I think about it, like yesterday on the way home I was determined to paint the baseboards. I planned on laying them out on saw horses in the basement and planned to get them all painted, how hard could it be! ? But then I mentioned this to hubby and was shot down, I was forbidden (well not really but he didn't like the idea very much). So instead he said that he would rip out the carpet, what he didn't know was that the original carpet that was in the house had a rubber backing so underneath the underlay was rubber that he had to scrap off making the job twice as long/ hard, but now the rug is out and the room already looks better with just the sub floor there!! :) Today he made lots of plans that I kinda doubt will all get done but he said he would vacuum, paint the baseboards and install the floor tonight!! :o Plus work on the stuff he needs to finish in the garage to make money!! So we will see if it all gets done!?

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th and I thought might be my last day at work but now I'm thinking that I will probably still be here next week !? I have my 38 week appointment tomorrow and this time there better be a internal exam cause I'm curious to know what's going on down there!? So she should be able to tell me more tomorrow and that will determine how much longer I work for. Plus I didn't really want Friday the 13th to be my last day!? ;)