busy life = no workouts

We had a very busy weekend or rather we have had a busy few weeks! I haven't been to the gym in what feels like forever!? And I think it might be affecting my weight loss, I think I am getting cocky on this diet. I was having cheats and still loosing, I would miss going to the gym and seem to loose more then when I did go and now I think that has all caught up to me!? I got on the scale on Monday to see if my weekend was OK (like I do every Monday) and I was actually surprised to see that I had gained a couple ounces!? I know .... it's just a few ounces but last week I hadn't lost anything and now this week I gain a few ounces? I need to get back on track and stay focused! It's very hard to get a workout in this month we just seem so busy but I need to get back to my gym routine!

This weekend is Jacobs birthday and I still need to go shopping for the give away bags and food for the BBQ! I just realized now that I should also order a cake!! :o Plus we are trying very hard to finish Jacobs play park for the weekend! I called the lawn place today and the lawn is in so I'm very excited!! I was worried that something would happen and the truck would be delayed somewhere and we wouldn't get our lawn till the end of the week leaving us no time to assemble the park! But it looks like we are kinda on track and as long as the park isn't too hard to build it should be up and ready for the kids to play on!! :)

Last weekend after gymnastics we went out to St.Albert and checked out their Children's Festival, it was OK. I think it was a little advanced for Jacob but there was a nice lady that gave us a couple tickets for a show so we were able to go see a show, I think Jacob liked it - it was a music, grooving type show with drums and dancing. We were suppose to go to our company BBQ after but it was getting late so we headed to the track instead. Jacob seemed to like it out there, he did good in the trailer, it was the first time we slept in it and he slept just as good as he does at home! Sunday we had our Moms group bday party, which was more like a picnic in the park. It was nice to see all the Moms and kids again, we stayed for a couple hours then headed home for supper. I took some pictures of the kids playing and will post them as soon as I get them off my camera.

Last night we worked on the yard, even though it was raining! But I think it is worth it and really we have no choice! The yard has to be finished for Jacobs bday party this Saturday! I do not want 9 kids playing in a muddy yard or have everyone in my house~! Hopefully we can lay the lawn tonight and start building the play park tomorrow!!! :D

So hopefully I will go to the gym tonight for a bit, help lay the lawn when I get home and tomorrow I think we are having some friends over to help with build the park. Then Thursday I have to pick up all the last minute things for the party (food and goodie bags) cause Friday we have to work at the track and Saturday morning we have gymnastics!?!?! phew, makes me tired just thinking about all the things we have to get done!! Hopefully I don't forget anything?!? ;)

Bored

Not too much is new, Jacob is finally getting back to his normal self - which is nice. He is becoming quite the chatter bug and I think that soon he will be talking up a storm!! The day home is going well, everyone is happy and I can tell Jacob likes it there. Winter is coming and I worry that we are going to be stuck in the house, I hate sitting at home on my days off with Jacob - I feel like we should do something. I'm not sure what we will do once the Teddy bear Gang and swimming are over.

Yesterday I went to my Dads house to clean - I was there for 5 hours and only got the master bedroom and bathroom done!! I was also able too do a quick vacuum and swiffer the floors, I put plastic wrap on the windows for him and took his laundry downstairs but for most of it I was working on the bedroom! I'm so tired and sore today!! :( But at least now it is done and just a matter of keeping it up. I was also able to visit some girlfriends last night which was nice but I was so tired from cleaning that I was home by 10pm!

I am so bored at work - I know there is probably lots of stuff I could do ... like line counts and inventory stuff but I just don't feel like it! It's part of the circle ... I'm fat because I'm lazy ... I'm lazy cause I'm fat!? boooo !! I wish I was off work an hour earlier and could stop at the gym on my way home but still get paid for being here a whole day!?

I have also been debating on if we should get Christmas pics of Jacob or not?! He just had his 1yr photos done in June ... but that was 6 months ago and he has changed quite a bit since then!? And it would make good Christmas gifts ... not that we really need to buy any more gifts (I think I'm done shopping?) But it would be nice? It might also be a waste of money? hmmm ... what to do?

Child care ...

So the email I was waiting for came through and I was so excited that she agreed to take on Jacob part time even though she just found out she is pregnant and not feeling so hot! I was suppose to call her later that evening, so I did ... we had a great talk and I was super excited that I was going to take Jacob over to her house on Sat so he could check the place out and then again next Wed when all the rest of the kiddies were there. YEAH!! We found child care with a Mom I knew and trusted and was only going to cost $25 a day!! :) Then the next day she emailed me and told me that she thought about it more and didn't think it was a good idea to take on another child, she thought it might be weird that she is telling the other Moms they need to find a new day home and then she takes on a new kid!? She was also worried that with her pregnancy she might have appointments or sick days and it wouldn't be fair to me. I see her point but BOOOOO !! I was so excited to finally find a day home where I knew the Mom and trusted her, now I have to go on kijiji and find a complete stranger that I feel comfortable with to look after Jacob! ? ((sigh)) It is so frustrating, and the thought of leaving him at a strangers makes my stomach turn. I have emailed a few day homes I found on kijiji and a couple of my Mommy friends so I guess the next step is to go see the homes and hopefully they are clean and acceptable? The worst part is that the longer it takes to find someone to take Jacob the longer my hubbies customers vehicles sit in the garage and the longer he goes without payment! Which in turn is making us go broke, so how are we going to afford a sitter when hubby can't make money cause he is looking after Jacob. It's a bad circle that I need to break soon and it's stressing me out! :(

On the diet front it's going OK, I think today will be hard cause I have to work at the track tonight and won't be able to bring my NS with me. I am also out of fruits and veggies so I can't even pack snacks!? I'm thinking that I will stop at the grocery store on the way to the track to pick up a pre-made salad or a small fruit/ veggie tray. I was planning on walking to the grocery store last night with Jacob but when I got home from work he was napping and when he woke he was VERY cranky!! Instead I just took him for a wagon ride and stopped at the park for a while. I must say though that I am impressed that NS changed their system and the new items I have tried are very yummy even some of my old favorites have changed but are still very yummy! I am allowed to go on the NS American site and get my "daily clicks" to earn me $10 off and I assume I am able to get the bears again as long as I record my weigh in's on the site. However, I may not be able to afford to stay on it if we can't find a sitter right away so that hubby starts making money!! :(

This weekend we start swimming lessons again (for the 4th time), I think Jacob will have more fun this time and understand more. Hopefully he will blow bubbles, apparently that is a big deal? I also want to head out to St.Albert to see my Dad and stop at "Once upon a child" to look for a reusable swim diaper (they look like the covers you put over cloth diapers). Speaking of Dad, we were going to go out there on Thursday for a quick visit but he had a bone scan done that day and was radioactive for 6-8 hours. He wasn't allowed to be around pregnant women or children so we had to cancel. The doctors think that maybe the Cancer has spread to his bones!? I don't know much but it doesn't really sound good to me!?

busy

Well, I've been pretty busy ... between work, my Dad, taking care of the house and trying to spend time with Jacob it has been a little hectic.

Dad has been doing OK, he isn't eating half as much as he should and is all skin and bones now but I think he is in good spirits. He has his last treatment of radiation today and then starts chemo on Sept.11th. He still needs to decide if he wants to take it by pill or by injection, not sure which way he is leaning towards. I'm a little worried that when he starts chemo he will get really sick and I'm hoping that he gets admitted to the hospital so that the nurses can look after him.

My nephew has his birthday party this weekend, he is turning 8!! We will probably be showing up late which really won't be late cause that is just the way my brothers parties go. He tells you 2 but they don't start doing anything till long after everyone gets there. It kinda bugs us that we show up on time and then just sit around waiting for something!?

Jacob is doing great, I love that little guy so much! I love when he gives kisses without even asking for them, makes me feel like he loves me just as much as I love him! :) Well, it looks like my MIL is going to watch Jacob for us during the week, Tues, Wed and Fridays so I can stop looking for sitters or day homes. My hubby says he told me about it but I know for a fact that he never mentioned any such news to me!! I hate when he tells me he told me stuff but I know he never and he blames my bad memory on not remembering.

FINALLY .... Jacob claps!! It's the cutest thing to see, he was trying to stand on his little stool without the help of anything around him and finally he got on it and stood up tall and clapped! We start swimming lessons on the 13th, I'm looking forward to getting back in the pool and I think Jacob will understand a bit more now.

Work is kinda confusing.... they hired a new guy, and I thought were suppose to tell the old guy that his days were numbered but then on Monday they brought in another computer!? So now we have 4 people answering the phone and really aren't busy enough to warrant having 4 counter people so ... I'm wondering WTH is going on!? Someone has to leave, there is no way we need all these people here!? Now I'm wondering if it might be me, I don't think so but you just never know, what if they backdoor me!? Hopefully they tell us soon what is going on!

I think I will be getting my NS order this week so that means I am back on the diet wagon! 100% this time!!! No ifs, ands OR butt's !! he he I just need to be strong, find my willpower and listen to my gut! I remember how long it took me to loose the weight last time and I'm not looking forward to a lifetime of dieting but I'm so sick of being the fat Mom that looks like I have a spare tire around my waist! I feel like I'm in the right mind set this time to loose the weight and I'm hoping that by Christmas I will be half way to my goal, by Jacobs 2nd birthday I want to be back in my skinny pants!!

Work is starting to suck!

I got in a HUGE fight with one of the guys I work with and now I'm thinking that work is feeling strange and ackward?! It all started because a few days ago one of our delivery trucks had a flat tire and the driver decided to try and put air in it with a bicycle pump. So I posted something on Facebook about how I couldn't believe she was doing this, it was quite humourous to see. Well I guess the wife of the guy I work with (he is almost 60 and should be retired but seems to think he is doing us a favor by staying?) WAS my "friend" on Facebook and she say this comment and thought it was inappropriate for me to make such a comment about our company and the guy let me know what he thought of me too calling me names like "dummy" and how I was stupid and beter watch what I put on Facebook because he would hate to see me loose my job over this!? ? Well of course I yelled back telling him I thought it was funny and that he needs to pull his head out of his a$$ and if anyone is going to be leaving it ain't going to be me!! I was furious and to make matters worse when I told my hubby about it the next day he sounded like he was taking my co-workers side!! :o It's just the icing on the cake, this has been going on for a while and now we finally just had a blow out! On the Friday before the long weekend I posted how I was getting off work early and one of my customers wrote "NO dont do this to me" .... I got talked to about that too!? WTF ? Pisses me off, I am in no way worried about my job, I feel very secure and unfortunately my boss is on holidays right now and the idiot that I had a fight with leaves today for his holidays (thank God). So on Monday I have to have a talk with my boss and tell him my side of the story!!

I remember when I first started back at work I was up early and here early, so excited to start my day!! And now it's getting harder and harder for me to get out of bed and I'm lucky if I'm here 15 minutes early!? I still enjoy being at work but it is getting harder to leave the house. Our sitter is doing ok, he is giving me a taste of what it will be like to have a teenage boy in the house and I must say I hope Jacob is nothing like him! It is hard trusting someone else with your baby and even though the sitter is really only there to entertain him and hubby still does most of the work there are days that hubby isn't home at all so the sitter has to do everything by himself. These days I don't like, Jacob usually ends up with a diaper rash that is so bad he screams when you try to change his diaper. I tried telling the sitter and hubby that he needs to change his diaper more often and make sure it is clean afer BM! So I'm not sure what the problem is and why the rash only happens when the sitter is by himself (obviously he isn't changing him enough?). Because of this I have been letting Jacob go naked a lot in the evening but since he is still clueless when it comes to using the potty I have to watch to make sure he doesn't pee all over the carpet!! I bought some "big boy" underware the other day, the waffle type, just so that he can wear them and if he does pee then at least it isn't all over the carpet! I just keep telling myself that it is only for a few more weeks and then the sitter goes back to school and then we have to figure out what we want to do, get another sitter part time or maybe a dayhome or nothing at all (although I don't think this last one is an option).

I finished my first week on SlimQuick and I have noticed a slight difference, I just did the 7 day cleanse to start off. I have been following the same diet plan (low fat, high protein) and weighed myslef this morning .... I'm down 4lbs! But that might just be water weight considering I just finished TOM? I'll keep going for a month and hopefully will continue to see results, and if I don't see any results then I might have to go back on NS but be 100% and deal with the lack of choices for meals!?

We got a computer given to us last night - a guy my hubby did some work for paid us by building a computer. So hopefully I will be able to get the photos off my camera and post some new pics very soon!!! :D

Getting ready for Aug long weekend!

Well, not much is new ... we hired a sitter, it seems to be working out pretty good. It is hubbies cousin's girlfriends son ... did you follow that!? Anyway he is in grade 11 and on summer holidays so it's only temporary, he needs a summer job and hubby really needed to get caught up in the garage!! So he comes over Mon, Tues and Wed from 7:30am till 5:30pm (long day if you ask me but he gets dropped off by his Mom on her way to work) and we agreed to pay him $50 a week. Monday was kinda rough, when I got home from work at 5pm Jacob was still sleeping from his 3pm nap!!! Which was fine, I figured he was just tucked out from a day of playing with the new sitter but when he woke he was so upset!! He wouldn't settle down, he was crying so hard I thought he might get sick!?!? I'm not sure what his problem was, part of me felt that he was telling me he was unhappy with the new situation with no Mom, no Dad or no Grandma!? I went to change his butt when he woke and was seriously pissed off that his butt was filthy from not being wiped properly after having a poo!! So his butt was a little red that night, maybe that is why he was so upset? So when the sitter came over on Tues I made sure to tell him that he didn't clean his butt very well and that I don't care if it takes 20 wipes to clean him but he must make sure that his butt is clean!! Tues was a better day, Jacob wasn't upset when I got home and everything seems to be going well! Hubby is getting caught up on his work and even getting some paperwork done! Everyone seems happier, so far so good!? I'm not sure if we will have to find someone else in Sept when school starts but if that is the case we do have one other person we could try. I guess we will see how much work hubby has by then?

This weekend we are headed to Edson for our annual Slo-Pitch tournament. I'm trying to convince my Dad to come even though it worries me a bit if he comes, the drive is long and I'm worried that too many people will ask too many questions. But it would be nice for him to get out of the house, he probably wouldn't be able to come watch any of the games cause the games might be too long for him but he could hang out with us after. If he doesn't come out then he said he would watch our dog for us (she is old and doesn't do much anymore, she is pretty easy to take care of). Either way we have to go out to St.Albert before heading to Edson, which will make for a very long drive, hopefully Jacob sleeps the whole way!? I have so much to pack for Jacob too, last year we went and Jacob was a month and a half old, I didn't pack enough warm clothes and of course it was very cold!? This year I think I will over pack but I suppose that is better then not having enough warm clothes?

Since I forgot to do a post on Jacob's 13th month I will tell you now of some new things:

-- Jacob now has 8 teeth!!

-- He is trying to run more now instead of walking and loves when you chase him!

-- He also enjoys climbing and will try to climb just about anything

-- He seems to have a no fear attitude which might bite me in the butt when he is older (I can see trips to the ER in our future)

-- His favorite foods are: carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, corn, honeydew, strawberries, bananas, popcorn twists, cheesy's, pasta, corn dogs, and water is his drink of choice.

-- His favorite activities are: knocking over blocks and trying to put them back together, putting lids on things, putting cups together, and he loves the sandbox and wagon/cozy car rides.

-- He now wears size 18-24 month outfits and even some toddler 2 t-shirts, shoes are size 4-5 and diapers are size 4-5.

1st camping trip .... kinda

Well since hubby was at the track all weekend I thought it might be a good idea to ask the in laws to borrow their fifth wheel and Jacob and I could go and camp out at the track, this way we might actually be able to see Dad and maybe watch a little bit of the races!? Boy was I wrong!! I don't think it was a good idea, it would have been better if I had someone to hang around with or take turns watching Jacob. My in laws were nice enough to keep Jacob Friday for a couple extra hours AND gave him a bath just so I could pack everything I needed and not be tripping over a one year old! I ended up finishing packing early and had enough time to head out to the track, unpack, set up the playpen and then head back to get the dog and Jacob. Jacob passed out on the way to the track so he didn't end up going to bed till 10:30pm (2 hours later then normal) which I didn't really mind cause we were camping! But then hubby got in late and Jacob woke at 4am then again at 6am and I had a hard time falling asleep and if anyone knows me they know that lack of sleep does not agree with me! So needless to say I was cranky Sat but thought I would make the best of it. Jacob wouldn't nap in the trailer so we went for a drive which was OK cause then I got to stop for a coffee, which I really needed!! :) But as the day progressed the more grumpy I got and the more cranky Jacob got, I was frustrated cause I couldn't go watch the races (Jacob didn't want to sit for that long) so all I could do was walk the pits and look at cars. Then it rained and Jacob didn't want to hang out in the trailer and although the trailer is about 24 feet, after you get a playpen, a rottweiler and a one year old in there it becomes quite small fast! Thankfully it didn't rain long but it was very muddy out so Jacob couldn't walk by himself (not that he wanted to cause he was very clingy so I had to carry him a lot). I really wanted to give him a bath but hubby hadn't turned the propane on for hot water and I asked three people to give him a message but apparently no one did!? So I left .... we went home around 8pm, I gave Jacob a bath at home, I had a nice long shower after he went to bed and I crashed. I took all my frustration out on hubby, blaming him for my crummy time but now I'm thinking that I might have over reacted!? If no one gave him the message then it's not really his fault!? Anyway, I had a great sleep at home and then Sunday we went visiting and headed back to the track to finish packing everything up. I think I would have had a better time if I had someone to hang out with, walk with and trade off looking after Jacob!? I didn't even know until today that one of the guys I work with made it to the final round, wish I would have seen it?

So, then after I finished packing up the trailer and walking the pits, Jacob and I had lunch out at the track and we headed home. When I got home I noticed the dog was downstairs and thought it was odd of her to be downstairs, since she is getting older now and has a hard time going up or down stairs. I figured she must have went downstairs to cool off cause it was warm out, so I took three steps downstairs and realized why she was down there! It stunk ..... bad! She made a BIG mess, it took two rolls of paper towel, two plastic bags and two swiffers to clean up the mess!! It was disgusting and not really what I had hoped to do when I got home! She has been getting sick lots lately and I'm not too sure why!?

Needless to say, I was kinda excited to get back to work, so I could have a break! The weekend was a lot of work, you would think I should be skinny by now! ? Speaking of skinny .... I'm determined, I WILL go for a walk tonight and every night this week or at least get on the Wii for 30min every night!! I am also hoping that hubby will get my photos off the "sick" computer soon so I have more pics to post! But that's another story.....

No lunch! ? WTF? ?

Well, it is my third week back to work and technically yesterday was hubby's second full day with Jacob and I can honestly say that I'm NOT impressed by Daddy's parenting skills! When I got home yesterday, Jacob came running over with a huge smile on his face (which I love) but all he had on was a onesie, not a huge deal because it is summer but it was a little chilly out yesterday and his legs felt cold. But I know that wasn't the reason why he had no pants on, it's because it is easier to change a diaper when you don't have to worry about putting pants back on and Dad is kinda lazy that way. The thing that ticked me off the most was when I asked what Jacob had for lunch and Hubby said "yogurt", and I stared at him waiting to see what else .... but no there was nothing else, just yogurt!! :o And when I looked at him funny and said you have to feed Jacob more, hubby just responded with "he wasn't hungry" which I know the only reason why he wouldn't eat more is because he had too much milk! So I said that, you are giving him too many bottles and not enough food - now he is going to wake up in the middle of the night!! And guess what happened .... Jacob was up at 12:30am starving! Apparently I need to make Jacob a lunch when I make my lunch and label it! It's not like we don't have food in the fridge and there are bananas on the counter !?

I also apparently have to be more specific when I ask hubby to help with chores. I asked him to trim the hedge and tree by our front door cause it's hard to walk on the sidewalk with all the overgrowth. So I came home and yes, he did trim the hedge and tree but only by the front door ? What about the rest of the hedge? It looks like crap! I don't understand why he didn't trim the entire hedge since he had the trimmer out it wouldn't have been that much harder!? I also asked him to vacuum which he did but not the rug in Jacobs room or by the back door so now I have to haul out the vacuum to do the floor he missed?! grrrr

I slept like crap last night, even though I tried to go to bed early (9:30pm) I couldn't fall asleep till 10:30pm and then hubby got home at 11:30, then Jacob was up at 12:30 and it took me till 1:30am to fall back asleep just to get woken up again at 2:30am by some kids outside setting off crackers (sounded like gun fire!). I'm beat, and even though I have tomorrow off I won't be able to sleep in or have a break cause hubby won't be home to help so I will have to go visiting or shopping to pass the time!? I'm sure it will be a very long day!

Week 3

Well, things are going good at work, I am still enjoying my "me" time but I'm a little resentful of hubby. This is now week 3 of me back at work and he has only watched Jacob for 1 1/2 days!! And yes, he has been busy with stuff but it's all race stuff that he shouldn't really be doing cause it's not really his job and he doesn't get paid that good for it. The jobs in the garage are not getting done and most days when I get home the dishes are stacked high, toys are scattered everywhere and I have a pile of laundry to do! I told him I need more help from him so Mondays he is suppose to vacuum and I asked him to do a few other things today. There is a BIG race this weekend at the track and I already know that he will be MIA all week. I feel like he doesn't really want us around him at the track, I am always the one that has to suggest ways for us to be together as a family (like borrowing his parents trailer so that I can camp out there this weekend and be with him in the evening) or I have to figure out how to get a sitter so I can join him on weekend activities (which I still haven't figured out so I sit at home while he goes out with friends). I feel bad for my MIL who often gets stuck with Jacob and even though I know she enjoys it (most times) she shouldn't have to watch him that much, I think he needs to step up a bit more and look after Jacob. But on the plus side at least I know when Jacob is over at Grandmas she is making sure he is fed good and she takes him outside to play. Hubby is still unsure on what to feed Jacob and on days like today when it's not so nice out he will just stay in the house where I would go to a indoor play park or even the mall just to get out and have some contact with other people~?!

Jacob's new thing now is screaming! And I don't like it!! I try and whisper too him, which usually makes him laugh so he stops yelling but if he wants something or doesn't want something he is very persistent and will yell till he gets it! He also likes to point to things now and I tell him what they are, he really likes lights and things up high.

Well, I was able to get mostly everything I wanted done this weekend and I even got to sleep in Saturday morning thanks to my in laws!! I returned the outfits Jacob got for his birthday that were either too small or the size he is in now but since I had no receipt or even gift receipt I only got the last sale price on all items (which was about 30% less then reg price), I ended up getting Jacob a small couch (the one that folds out to a bed) I was surprised to see that they are $50 so that was pretty much my entire gift card spent on one item! I also bought him his potty seat and I'm trying to find him a sippy cup that he will use for milk! I think it's time to wean him off the bottle (at least for day time feedings) but he doesn't seem to like any sippy cup I have tried! ? My cupboards are stocked with almost every kind, I think he might just skip the whole sippy cup stage and just go straight to a cup with no lid (he's actually pretty good at it and doesn't make too much of a mess if you help him drink).

Other then that not much else is new, I get Wednesday off for Canada Day but I will be really busy trying too get everything ready for our "camping" weekend at the track. Hubby won't be home all week so I think I will be more tired this week, I will feel like a single Mom! Good thing his parents are so nice and invited me to stay for supper all week!! That's one less thing I have to do by myself!! :D

affair ....

Dear Sweets,

You have been there when I needed you the most, through the emotional, stressful and lonely times. You have cheered me up by just being there and letting me hold you. But it needs to end! I want to be with coffee more, he doesn't hurt me the ways you do by adding pounds of frustration and self hatred. I need to spend more time with things that will help me reach my goals and even though you were a good listener I need someone that will help me reach my goals. The affair was great while it lasted but I need to get back to what I once was .... a size 10!!!

Yup, I weighed in today, just for sh*ts and giggles and there was neither of those happening! I'm so mad at myself and I'm starting to get discouraged! I've gained almost all the weight I lost and I blame chocolate, I can feel the extra weight when I walk, the way my clothes fit, it just seriously pisses me off!! Why can't it be easier! ? My hubby knows there is something bugging me and asks but I don't tell him I'm mad at myself for eating crap and getting fat! I'm sure he's sick of hearing me say it and he never really offers any advice anyway. He just gives me a look like "well, if you don't like it then do something about it" which just makes me feel guilty and bad cause I just can't seem to figure out how!

Time management is harder then I thought now that I am back at work and have Jacob in the evenings. I NEED to start going for evening walks but now that Jacob is older I'm not sure if he will even sit for that long in the stroller? He will want to walk too but if I go his pace I won't even get my heart rate up. I'm all out of fruits and veggies and normally I would just take Jacob to the store and pick some up but when I don't get home till 5ish, make dinner and then depending on Jacob either give him a bath and he's ready for bed or I could manage to either go for a walk or go shopping after supper but not both (as long as he had a nap that day). I'm sure it will get easier and one of the guys at work here suggested that maybe I go for morning walks instead which actually isn't a bad idea. I could go by myself, sort out my thoughts, not worry about baby, come home and have a shower. Then the evenings would still be "our" time to have fun with Jacob. I also NEED to get rid of the chocolate almond boxes that are for sale in front of me, tempting me all day!! Next week I will stay a little late after work and move my computer to the other side of the counter and put the chocolates at the other end!

So besides being slightly depressed about my weight which I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about! I'm doing OK, I really enjoy having the break from Jacob during the day and can't wait till he is old enough to tell me what he has done all day without me. I love seeing his face light up when he sees me and the way he gives me a snuggle after a long day at work. This weekend I have so much to do, I have to do everything that I normally would do during the week (like clean the bathrooms, floors and vacuum), I also need to go to the photo place to order our pics I want and thank you cards, I should also go to the grocery store and pick up fruits and veggies (cause I don't think I'll have time tonight or tomorrow), I need to return/ exchange some gifts Jacob got (mostly clothes but they are at 4 different stores) and I really should go visiting family. I wish I could work part time but my job doesn't really offer that, then I could get the stuff done that hubby can't seem to figure out!? Like going to the grocery store for fruit or doing laundry!

One day done .... lots more to go!

Well, my first day wasn't too bad I suppose!? I sure didn't miss rush hour traffic and since my store has changed locations since last year I "tried" going home a new way and should have stuck to the old way cause I ended up on the wrong highway and had to go into the city and really deal with rush hour traffic!! I find it hard to get everything done and feel very rushed at the end of my work day! Maybe it's just cause I have lots to do before Jacobs party on Saturday but I think I need to work on my time management!! Now I have to do all the things I used to take all day to do (laundry, grocery shopping, house work, etc.) in only 6 hours! Four little hours .... that's all I get now with Jacob! By the time I get home from work (about 5ish) and by the time he goes to bed, so I must make the best of weekends!!

Yesterday was pretty hard for both of us and by the time I saw him after work he was stuck to me like glue and wouldn't let me out of his site!! It makes me feel loved and sad that I can't be with him. Today was better then yesterday and he didn't even cry when I left, he reached out as if to say please don't go but there were no tears, so that is good! Hubby worked on the computer yesterday and said he was able to get the picture file, I'm so happy I never lost them! But that's all he's been able to get into! This virus is a nasty one!! Today he is suppose to work on the basement and it better be close to being done by the time I get home!! There really isn't that much left to do, maybe two days worth of hard work!

I forgot how slow it is at my job, which is kinda nice cause I feel like I'm on a holiday but the more down time I have the more I think about Jacob! As I said before this week is busy, yesterday after supper we had a toy party to go to and before we left Jacob fell and bumped his head (now there is a big goose egg!), I have pictures booked for tomorrow but now I'm wondering if I should cancel cause the goose egg is pretty big but then I think there will always be something so maybe I should just keep the appointment!? Thursday I need to go buy stuff for the party on Saturday and start preparing food cause I will have no time on Friday. Friday I am headed straight from work to the the track the Saturday is the party and I will have to set up decorations and finish making salads and grab bags! Makes me tired just thinking about it all!! :P Tonight I should call family that hasn't RSVP'd yet, but the list is really long and we are going out for dinner and having a mini party for Jacobs birthday. Today he is 1, and I forgot to wish him a Happy Birthday before I left this morning!! I feel like such a horrible Mom!! :( I'm not sure if I will have time to call all the family that hasn't replied so I guess I'm just suppose to assume they aren't coming? My brother is on that list and that pisses me off!! He's so lazy, it doesn't surprise me but I will be mad if he doesn't come to his only nephews 1st birthday!!

Anyway, I guess I should get back to "work" (it's so much easier then being at home but boring, I don't consider it work to be here). I want to move my computer from the center of the counter to the corner so that people can't tell that I'm slacking !! LOL

Back to "work"! :(

Well, good news bad news I suppose~? I'm back at work which I thought I would be super excited for but I find myself more emotional about it then I thought I would be! The weekend was good but bad, good cause I was able to go out with friends, work at the track and have a little fun before heading back to work but bad because it was my last weekend before going back to work and I felt guilty for spending it away from Jacob! I was emotional and it didn't take much to get me upset on the weekend, I think I took it out on my hubby but we got through it. I'm glad I worked at the track it was fun but it also reminded me that there is LOTS of drama and politics behind the scene that not too many people see and I don't think I'm interested in seeing it again!

So needless to say I over indulged on the weekend, everyone just kept giving me treats - like mini donuts, cinnamon buns, kettle popcorn, cake, etc. Well, when I got on the scale this morning it was horrible!! But now I am back on track, following a plan and since I'm at work I can't keep checking out the snack cupboard so hopefully I can get into a routine and get back into my skinny pants!!!

Our computer at home still has a virus, so I can't empty the pics on my camera and therefore have no pics to post! :( But hopefully hubby will fix the computer today along with all the other things he has to do and I can post pics! I'm so worried that I might loose all the pics I already put on the computer, I wish I would have made a hard copy!! I have pics of Jacob at the water park and his 1st haircut that I want to post!!

Yes, he had his 1st haircut on Thursday and yes, he freaked out a bit! Not as bad as I thought and I think he just got tired of sitting there. I have video and pics I will post. He looks like such a little man now, especially when he plays with his toys.

O-so back to the good news part .... now that I'm back at work (Boooo!) I will be able to post more updates on here! So keep checking back to see what is new! It's only 11am now and already I'm wishing I was on my way to pick up Jacob! His actual birthday is tomorrow, we will probably go for supper and I will pick up a small cake because his party is on Saturday and we will have a big cake for then! Then on Wed, I booked Jacob for some professional pics - hubby said it wasn't necessary but I want 1st year pics!

Well, back to work..... I will probably post more tomorrow! :)

A quicky

Well, things have been going fairly good, I've been trying to go for a walk everyday and think I've only missed a day or two!? Our computer has gotten a virus and isn't working so I am using the laptop now but there are no pics of Jacob on here and I don't want to put the new pics from my camera on the laptop so hopefully hubby will fix it soon and I can post some new pics! I also am working on a digital scrapbook and have a code for a free book but it expires soon so I need to get on the main computer to finish that or I'll loose my coupon!

I'm debating to get professional pictures of Jacob for his 1yr birthday? Hubby doesn't think it's necessary but I think it is a milestone that should be acknowledged ? I think I'll get them done regardless!? He's just no fun lately, we had the birthday party with the Moms group for all of the babies (Jacob's friends) and hubby didn't even want Jacob to eat watermelon cause it was too messy?! I think he is just stressed lately, he has a lot on his plate - basement still needs to be finished (I gave him till Jacobs party on the 20th), he has lots of cars to finish (customers are waiting), fix the bathroom, the list seems to go on forever!

So the birthday party was fun, Jacob got a bath toy - a boat with some toys to go with it, its cute and he seems to like it. I am currently trying to buy and plan for his family party, today I will be sending out invites and I bought some decorations. It is going to be a big party, hubby has a big family and so far I have 40 invites so if everyone brings a guest/spouse there will be 80!!! :o

I only have 12 days before I go back to work and I'm pretty excited, hubby will be staying home with Jacob and Grandma will be helping to watch him. I'm still not sure on how hubby will be - he's not very good at changing diapers (poo ones) and I have visions of him taking Jacob outside to hose him down after his morning poo or running over to the inlaws to do it for him!

I think I'm going to make an appointment today for Jacob's first haircut!! It is getting long and I think it should be cut before his big party! Jacob is also walking now, like more then just a few steps! He walks down the hall and around the living room before reaching out for something to balance him. We went to the mall the other day and he wanted to walk so I let him, thinking he would hold my hand.... but no, he doesn't want to even do that! He just wants to walk but then he ends up taking things off the shelf and creating havoc in the store! And he still isn't 100% good and sometimes falls, of course on his face and will usually bite his lip with his sharp teeth. I feel awful when I see his blood but I'm sure that will happen lots as he grows up!

Well that's about all, he is napping now and will probably wake soon which is good cause we have Mom group today and it would be nice to feed him lunch before we go!

so tired .... no motivation

What does Jacob like more then anything (lately) .... yup walking! That is ALL he wants to do, which is great and I really don't mind that much cause the quicker he learns then the quicker he can explore on his own! But when his little legs get tired of walking in circles (which does happen often), he still wants to walk so you have to carry him and walk in circles! Which I suppose it wouldn't be too bad if he wasn't 24lbs!!! :o By the end of the day my arms feel like they are going to fall off and my legs are sore but do you think this has helped in the weight loss department!? NOPE! grrrrrr, granted it is partially my fault - I have not been sticking to my diet, it seems like my "cheat week" is doing a number on my motivation and making me grab snacks that I would normally pass! I NEED to get back on track and start eating right and exercising more, there should be no excuses now that it is spring and nice out! I just feel so incredibly tired lately and some days Jacob decides to have no nap (or very little nap) those days are killer! I honestly can't wait to go back to work, I hate to say it around some of my Mom friends cause they can't seem to fathom why I would WANT to go to work and not stay home with my precious baby!? But that isn't why, I think I just know that my day job is easier and I'm being lazy about it!? When I was younger I never once thought of parenting as a job and never gave my parents the slightest bit of acknowledgment that they were doing a good job but now that I am a Mom I have come to realize that this is one tough job and maybe not everyone is up to the task? I LOVE Jacob more then anything I have ever loved before and would never give back the year I had with him but I can say that I have a new understanding for single Moms and Moms that have "bad" babies (like colicky or whiny). Jacob is great, I couldn't ask for a better baby (except for maybe that nap thing) but he really is quite an "easy" baby and rarely sick. Anyway - now that Jacob is active I'm not sure if I could do this again? It's a lot of work! :P

On a different topic .... I have been addicted to the Twilight series lately, I'm almost finished the 3rd book (Eclipse). I have never felt this way about a book, I think about it all the time and pray that Jacob will have at least an hour nap so I can read a few chapters! Although the book is kinda predictable I still think there is going to be a catch and I find myself emotional with the characters (right now I'm so mad at Bella for what she did to Edward with Jacob). It's a really good book/ series and I will definitely read it again (which I have never done by choice - read a book twice). I bought the movie when I was at Costco on Monday and I'm hoping that I will be able to watch it tomorrow, since Jacob is on a sleepover at the inlaws and won't be home till after lunch! It is going to be a great weekend ..... sleep in, watch a movie, maybe go buy new pants (hopefully in a smaller size then what I'm wearing now)!!

I love my family, I don't think I could get through it without their help! My Mom did a great job even though I never say it and I think I turned out OK? Happy Mother's Day Mom(s) - I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for you!

update from cheat week

Well, my "cheat week" wasn't so bad - after a week of snacking more then usual and going through the occasional drive thru I didn't even gain a pound so what did I do .... had another "cheat week" !!! LOL It's so hard for me to stop snacking once I started which is probably why I don't usually allow myself to have a "cheat day" cause I know it wouldn't stop at the end of the day! But surprisingly after TWO cheat weeks I still have not gained and only maintained, which I suppose is good but I still want to loose another 25 pounds so I best get back on the diet train and try again to loose more weight!!! I think I've gotten most of my cravings out of my system and can go back to eating fruits and veggies!

I have a meeting on Thursday with my boss, I guess that means I pretty close to going back to work! He wants to know when I am headed back and to be quite honest I am very eager to go back to work! I would never give up any of the time I have had with Jacob and I'm so grateful to have enjoyed the year off with him (I know some women don't get that opportunity) but some days I am so exhausted and frustrated. It's not like Jacob can say to me "You did a very good job today as a Mom and I had lots of fun" or "you know Mom I really don't like mashed potatoes and wish you wouldn't give them to me anymore"! And even though I know I must be doing something right cause I can see him growing mentally and physically it's just nice to hear the words sometimes. I think I'm also a little house bound too, even though I try to get out at least once a day I still feel like this house is small - I can only do laps around the kitchen so many times before I get bored and I'm sure Jacob is too! It will be better when summer is here and we can play outside more!

On a plus note, I think Jacob is growing cause boy does he ever sleep good now!! His naps are long and he sleeps through the night, although his bedtime has been later (around 9pm) but I'm OK with that, as long as he sleeps through the night!

I'm not much of a reader but decided to give Twilight a chance (I'm sure you've heard of the book), it's AMAZING!!! I just finished it and feel the need to read it again just in case I missed something the first time but I also want to start reading the next book to see what happens! I've NEVER had this dilemma before, usually when I finish the odd book I never feel the need to read it again!? And I never thought I would be interested in a vampire book! It gives me chills just thinking about it and the way the author describes the feelings between Bella and Edward give me goose bumps!! Seriously a good book, I should have bought the set like everyone said!

So besides not sticking to my diet and staying up way too late reading Twilight I haven't really been up to much!? I'm excited and yet upset that my time with Jacob is coming to an end but I'm looking forward to the days when Jacob can play with my girlfriends boys since it seems like all my friends have boys - it should be lots of fun in a few years when they can all walk and talk.

week 10 weigh in

Well not much has changed for week 10, I never lost but I never gained!? It's kinda the way I loose weight I think ... one week I don't loose much and the next week I loose a pound or two, so I'm hoping for a big number next week! There is only two more weeks of the contest left and some of the Mom's think I might be close to win, I however don't think I will - unless I get really active and shed lots of weight the next two weeks!

In other news.... I don't think I mentioned that the Easter Bunny came early this year and brought us a Wii and Wii fit! I'm really enjoying the Wii fit and try to get on it for 30 minutes each day. I like the step aerobics and the hula hoop the best, and I can really feel the burn from the hula hoop! It was kinda sad though when I created my "Mii" and she went from thin too super chunky! It says I'm obese and my Mii kinda waddles around!? So sad!! :(

I also got a new cell phone, a Blackberry flip phone which I must say I'm totally addicted too! I often check Facebook with it and I'm really liking Sudoku (which I used to hate). So I find myself getting on this computer less and just checking what's new on my phone.

I go back to work in two months!! I'm kinda freaking out about it and I'm kinda excited, I wish I could go back part time but my job doesn't offer that. I do like the idea that we won't have to put Jacob in daycare and that Dad is going to get a small taste of what it is like to be a "stay at home Dad". I think the hardest part about being a stay at home parent is the "stay at home" part! I thrive off of schedules and love the idea that I know what is happening week after week. Now that swimming is over and I am free on Tues and Thurs I find myself getting stir crazy and desperately searching for something to do! I need to get out of the house and now that it is getting nice out I'm hoping it will be easier to find things to do!

Well Jacob is napping now for who knows how long? Sometimes it's only 30 minutes and other days he goes for 3 hours!! Then after he wakes I have to take the dog to the vet to get her nails trimmed (one is about to fall off and a few are way too long - she has a nail condition where the sheath on the nail falls off). Then there is a meeting tonight for the race track that I need to attend and fill out my paperwork. This weekend is also a busy one, birthday parties, coffee date with "old" friends and visiting family. Better go see what else is new on other blogs !!

15 days ... give or take! ?

So things have been going fairly well lately, it sure doesn't take much to piss me off lately or make me grumpy!! I remember in the beginning of this pregnancy everyone was talking about how people feel the need to invade your space and feel your belly!? Of course without asking first - you would just be talking away and next thing you know there is some strangers hand on your belly. I feel I have been fortunate in this aspect and have not in countered too many belly touchers!? Instead I get the stares, you would think that by now I would be used to people staring at me but it is different this time. Before people would stare cause I was over weight and they would whisper, it bothered me and was probably one of the reasons why I decided to loose the weight. Then when I was thinner and lost 80lbs, people stared again but this time they would let me know what they thought or ask questions (instead of whispering) - I suppose this was better but after awhile I did get tired of the looks even though they were good looks. And now people stare and compare, some will mention how "I look bigger then the last time they saw me" or compare my belly to a friend, tell me I'm "huge" or say I'm "small". I can feel their eyes go from my face to my feet, giving me the once over and then make their comment. I hate it - and even though I did it in baby class and wanted to compare my belly to other bellies it still makes me feel awkward. But I also believe it is different for two pregnant ladies to stare and compare then a perfect stranger telling me how I look (like I don't already know?).

I am also surprised that I really haven't had any strong cravings in this pregnancy. Once and awhile I would go on a certain kick - like slurpies one month then toast with peanut butter the next month. It seemed like my cravings would change by the hour, I'd see a commercial for a burger and would want one, then I would see a popcorn ad and would think that was a great idea too!! ;) But I didn't really crave one thing that I had to send dear hubby out in the middle of the night for, nothing that I would dream about and cry over if I couldn't have it!?

I still have not experienced this "nesting" thing, I think about it, like yesterday on the way home I was determined to paint the baseboards. I planned on laying them out on saw horses in the basement and planned to get them all painted, how hard could it be! ? But then I mentioned this to hubby and was shot down, I was forbidden (well not really but he didn't like the idea very much). So instead he said that he would rip out the carpet, what he didn't know was that the original carpet that was in the house had a rubber backing so underneath the underlay was rubber that he had to scrap off making the job twice as long/ hard, but now the rug is out and the room already looks better with just the sub floor there!! :) Today he made lots of plans that I kinda doubt will all get done but he said he would vacuum, paint the baseboards and install the floor tonight!! :o Plus work on the stuff he needs to finish in the garage to make money!! So we will see if it all gets done!?

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th and I thought might be my last day at work but now I'm thinking that I will probably still be here next week !? I have my 38 week appointment tomorrow and this time there better be a internal exam cause I'm curious to know what's going on down there!? So she should be able to tell me more tomorrow and that will determine how much longer I work for. Plus I didn't really want Friday the 13th to be my last day!? ;)

Another week at work

Well my doctor appointment went well on Friday, she was running late as usual and I had to sit in that tiny room for like 20 minutes waiting for her (I almost laid down for a nap!!). Every time she sees me now she asks if I'm tired, I think I just look extra tired from being bored but yes ... I am more tired now then before. She never did do a internal, probably cause she thought I was still only 36 weeks along?! She is a really nice doctor and all but sometimes I wish she would maybe look at my file before seeing me!? But even though she didn't do an internal she seems to think that I still have another 4 weeks to go!! :o In a way I hope not, I'm very un-comfy but in a way it would be OK - more time to get things put in place!! So this Friday might not be my last day, I don't want to sit at home too long waiting - I think I would go stir crazy! ;) O - on a plus note, I asked about my GBS test and she said it came back negative so I don't need a IV for that, only if I choose a epi.

After my doctor appointment I headed home for a very quick power purr, then headed out to the track just to find out that it was raining out there. After two hours of trying to dry the track we were ready to race .... just in time for it to start raining again!! We never did get any cars to go down the track, called the race and headed home! But of course it now too late to go shopping or even work on baby room. Saturday we headed out to the track and I would have put money on the fact that we would be home by noon, due to rain, but no - it never did rain and there wasn't very many cars there so I thought at least we would get out of there early!? But no - that didn't happen either, the very last car oiled down the track and hubby had to stay and clean it up! However this didn't stop me from taking him shopping still, even though he was "tired"!! Too bad - we are going shopping!! ;) We bought almost everything for babies room except the baseboards, chair rail and flooring. These items we found in a flyer for a good price at Timbertown that is only open on weekdays so we will go buy them tonight. And the blind machine thing at Home Depot was out of order so we couldn't get the blind.

Sunday we were back at the track only until noon though cause we were rained out. After four hours of the guys working on the track to get it race ready they decided to call the race cause the track just wasn't drying!? When we got home I let hubby relax for a couple hours then put him to work installing the ceiling fan and new decor plugs/ switch's. Unfortunately we forgot to buy a bulb for the fan so we couldn't see what it looked like lite up. I hung some pics on the wall (using the old holes that were in the wall already) and took the tape off the wall, I actually think the room looks awesome even though it's not done yet! I can hardly wait till it's finished!! :) However hubby is a little stressed about it, he over booked himself with projects this week and needs to finish a few things for customers by Thursday so my plan and his plan don't really work together!! I was hopping that tonight we go shopping, tomorrow he can paint the baseboards etc., and then on Wed we can put it all together (install the floor, closet organizer and chair rail etc.). Then Thursday put the crib together and I could put everything in it's place!! But I don't think hubby will have the time to do all that this week, he agreed to go shopping but said he has to finish these projects so he might not have time to paint or install the floor till next week!! :o Nothing like leaving things to the last minute!?

37 weeks !! Officially at term!

It's official, I'm full term today and could potentially have a healthy baby any day now!! The other night I was sterilizing nipples and soothers and hubby walked by and asked "you're doing that already?" - now I'm not sure if he was trying to be funny or if he seriously doesn't realize just how close we are to having a baby!? I just gave him a look and he walked away! ;)

My boss has been letting me leave early the past few days, usually around 3ish, which is nice cause I'm so tired around 2pm - especially yesterday cause I didn't sleep so well the night before. Speaking of sleep, my crazy pregnancy dreams are back! I sometimes like to remember my dreams but some of the dreams I have been having aren't very nice ones and I really would rather not remember them!? I will be leaving extra early today cause I have my 37 week doctor appointment at 2pm and probably won't be coming back to work after. I think I get an internal today so I'm curious to see how close I really am to giving birth!? Then next week I think I will only be working till 1ish, depending on how busy we are - it seems like the busy we are the easier the day is but when we are slow I get very sleepy!! Then Friday the 13th will probably be my last day!? Even though I'm kinda superstitious and don't really like the idea of leaving on Friday the 13th~!?

On my way home yesterday I stopped in at the diaper service store and picked up my diaper pail, then after a quick nap and supper hubby finished painting the babies room. It looks pretty good so far, now we just need to finish it!! I feel so helpless, if only I could help hubby with the room it would probably go faster but instead I made muffins! ;) We have quite the list of things we still need for the room so I'm seriously hoping it rains all weekend (or at least in the morning, just enough to cancel the races then get nice again!). We need to still buy baseboards, chair rail, a vent, plug-ins/ covers, shelves, ceiling fan/ light, a heavy blind, flooring and some white paint!! :o It's suppose to rain but it was also suppose to rain yesterday and never did so keep doing that rain dance (at least in the morning) ! ;)

I also packed my bag last night, so I guess I'm kinda ready now!? Hopefully I remembered everything, if not I'm sure we can pick it up at a store or it's not really needed!? I do still have a few things I need to pick up, like a nursing bra, nursing pads and a change table cover but hopefully if it rains I will have lots of time to go shopping while hubby works on the bedroom.

Happy Hump Day! ;)

When I got home yesterday after work I was beat, I was not interested in supper and all I could think about was going for a nap! But instead we did have dinner and then I went grocery shopping and hubby stayed home to paint the babies room. By the time I got home he was almost finished, it looks really good so far - still needs one more coat of paint and we have to buy the chair rail and baseboards. I think he can finish painting tonight and if the forecast is right it is suppose to rain all weekend so maybe we won't have to work at the track and can get lots done on the room! ? Just keep doing that rain dance!! ;)

I ended up buying two bottles last night at the grocery store (just in case I need them) they are the liner type which is suppose to be BPA (?) free. I also bought some Lanolin cream (for breastfeeding mothers) that of course didn't ring through the till and I was worried that they would page for a price check on breast cream on isle 4!! :o But he never, he just sold it to me for $5, which I thought was fare? I also picked up some baby wipes, which I know my Mom has already bought for me but I forgot them at her house last time I was there. So now - I just need to pick up a dirty diaper pail, nursing bra and some nursing pads. I was wondering too, since we are using cloth diapers do you think it is weird to use the diaper pail as a laundry hamper as well or should I just put the dirty diapers in there and have a separate laundry hamper for clothes?

I have turned into such a sloppy eater!! I can barely get through a meal without slopping on myself! I used to be able to wear my mat shirts for more then one day cause it's not like I work hard in them and work up a sweat but now I almost have to wear two shirts a day or at least pack a spare shirt with me in case I slop on myself! Maybe I'm preparing myself for the spit up and baby drool!? I still can't believe that there is only about 23 days left, I must say it did go by fast but I think I liked it that way. I told my boss today that next week I don't think I can work full days anymore, next week I think I will leave around 2ish? Then the week after I will leave at noon and the week after that I won't even be here. I was just to tired yesterday I could barely do anything, hubby had to help me to bed at 8:30!! And even though I was up every two hours to pee I do feel a bit better today but still tired, it's like I don't get a deep sleep they are just little power purrs to get me through the day.